in another universe, i hope my mom is happier
My mom is a great mom. Well, sure, she has moments where she explode and let anger fully consume her, but that doesn’t make her any less of a great mom.
I’m grateful that she’s my mom, but i struggle to show her that. And i’m forever sorry. Making my mom feel as if her efforts are unseen is the last thing i want to do.
She tries to be better every day. She tries to not get mad when my brother gets an imperfect test score, when I was too long to wash the dishes, and when my sister got home a little too late.
But deep down, I think this is not the kind of life she imagined. I think that truly, she is not happy.
During moments where my mom was nowhere to be seen and it’s only anger, she talks.
She talks about how tired she is all the time, how she doesn’t even get paid to do the stuff she does around the house, how she envies her friends’ lavish life with no kids and a lot of money, how she wishes things were different.
I imagine her younger self, full of expectations and goals to achieve in her life, just to be watered down to… whoever she thinks herself is now.
I don’t know how to express my gratitude to her. In moments where i do that, she always play it off as ‘me wanting something from her.’ And then i just stopped trying, i guess. I should have just tried harder to convince her.
So now, i’m clueless. I don’t know how to lift all of those heavy unseen burden of hers from her shoulders. I really wish i could.
I sincerely hope that in another universe, my mom never got married. I hope that in whatever universe that is, she is happier.
I hope that she’s working on her dream job, living in her dream city, and experiencing the best life quality ever.
I hope that her father still lives in that one; it pains me to see her cry so hard that day when Grandpa passed away.
It reminds me that, oh, she’s only a child that needs her parents like me, too.
I hope that all of her efforts are recognized better. She desserves it so much.
I hope that she comes home to a nice house. One that doesn’t leak when it rains, one where it has a bigger room for her.
I hope that she doesn’t have to worry about money every month. So that every time she goes to the mall and something catches her eye, she could just buy it without thinking of bills that needed to be paid.
I hope that she doesn’t feel insecure about her wrinkles anymore.
I hope that my mom is still thriving and living her best life as an individual, not just to someone’s wife.
I hope that she never suffers again. And if the cost is me not existing, than so be it.
