Is growing up always feel this lonely?
I think I can make peace with solitude but it’s really hard with loneliness.
You could say that I’ve just started my adulthood in the last few years if it’s counted from the age of twenty. The most significant difference I felt was the stronger sense of loneliness that emerged. This makes me wonder if adulting really does feel this lonely or is it just me who feels the strong degree of loneliness up to this point? But I don’t think so because I’ve often heard that the older you get, the smaller your circle of friends becomes, which is why it’s normal for loneliness to become more pronounced.
Living by myself, taking care of my own needs, going places by myself, solving problems by myself, I always thought I had made friends with solitude but in the end I still felt lonely. This feeling often occurs at random times or at the end of the day at least a few times a month. At some moments it irritated me. So, I still try to relearn everything about loneliness.
Honestly, keeping myself from drowning in loneliness is never easy because it’s not a deep black hole that can always be recognized and avoided. Loneliness is often like smoke that you can’t help but inhale and it becomes stifling or like a hand that slowly strangles you from behind. For me to avoid it is by staying alert and being present. We live in a world that‘s always noisy from second to minute. There are many things that can break our loneliness. So, I try to noticing everything’s around me and it helped me.
Another way is that I try to stay connected with people I trust. Not just waiting for them to reach out but trying to initiate contact or keep the relationship alive over time. It doesn’t mean we spend time together all the time but when there is a chat I try my best to reply warmly and openly. In my experience by making time to discuss short and random topics it will maintain a good connection with those who are important to me. The point is to show that I care and appreciate their presence. Oh, remember to try not to expect anything. So if in the end, they don’t show the same vibes just as easily they are not my person. ’Cause whenever I force it, it would just lead to loneliness.
It’s okay if you only have yourself right now. But don’t imprison yourself, we as humans will still need a social environment no matter how small it is. You don’t always have to be the one to actively initiate interactions (it’s also worth a try once in a while) even just observing around can help you break the loneliness that may surround you at times. You can stay present so loneliness hesitates to strangle you. You’ll be fine with yourself, but your presence also matters to them, your people. On Haemin Sumin’s book, titled “When Things didn’t Go Your Way”, there‘s line that I adored,
And if you can also open your own heart a lil’ bit more and let others really see you, they will open their door even wider, and you will be able to develop a deeper and meaningful relationship.
So, maybe opening up is one of the ways that can also prevent loneliness. It’s never an easy step but it might be worth trying. In the end, it all comes back to us, how we interpret solitude and loneliness as part of our life journey.
