love takes what you don’t appreciate
“Love will give you what you need, but also take what you don’t appreciate.”
Unholy Matrimony — Giveon
For these past few days, Giveon was an essential.
And I just simply love how Giveon chose “give or take” instead of “give and take” for his album name.
Growing up, I knew the term “give and take” is always put alongside a topic related to relationships, but the way Giveon chose to put the word “or” has been making me feel like I might have been wrong about something, or like, here, my friends, I might have unconsciously lost some point and left it unnoticed.
Instead of picturing it as something so beautifully inconstant it makes people curiously attached, I had this thought where love was just something so simple it might bring people boresome.
And it was maybe because until then, I believed that all kind of love would easily be just like, well, give and take, it was just that two persons who are in love would understand their roles in the rule of to give something is to take something in return.
I was told that to love a person is to just do anything reciprocally. I was told that when I gave something then I would gain something. It sounded so simple it was making me bored.
I did once, love someone (or so i thought), and that was when all the things people told me were completely in shambles. It was maybe his smile or his laugh or his calm self, but those days, I knew that love (if it was really one) was so complicated.
It was complicated it put me in a situation where somehow, the sun was no longer my center of gravity. And maybe it was a bit too exaggerated or maybe it was the way he put his hand in his chest while laughing with his friends simply outweighed all kind of strongest gravity forces which once supposed to be strong enough to keep me in place.
Love itself, truly is a fickle thing. And it is beautiful because it is the way it is. Because love, apparently, is shifting. It is inconstant, it is unsteady, it is changing in the beads of time, and that, is the beauty of love.
My friends said that I looked and sounded like a total fool when they knew about me loving someone. Well, maybe about me having the idea of loving someone.
What will you do for love, exactly?
That was a bit cliche but whatever. I still am trying to figure that out too.
For a long time, I didn’t pay much attention about why is it always the word “falling in love”? And that was until one day I stumbled upon one of the hardest lines I have ever read. And that explains why is it fall despite all the words we could choose.
It is falling.
Falling means you completely let yourself go.
Falling means you choose to ignore all of the possibilities of anything.
Falling means put a faith to something you believe so much you don’t care about anything else.
Falling means being completely insane and irrational.
And love, mercifully, is worth it.
I was once in that position. In a position where I would sacrifice myself, I was prepared to devote myself to someone I love. I don’t care about what was in his mind, what was he going to do once he found out about me loving him, or what was he going to do when I told him that despite everything he was planning to do, I, don’t care and I would still give my love to him.
It was me giving it to you, it was always me ignoring your reaction, and it was supposed to be like that forever, because I, was really falling in love with you. You could just sit right there and let me take all it takes and so that I, as I was always going to do, give that to you.
It was the very first time that I did completely despise the idea of give and take, because then, what was the point of me falling when I still care about whether there is someone who would help me if I am hurt or someone who would cry if something bad happened to me the second I completely fell.
And still, I despise the idea of “give and take”. I don’t know, but for me it is whether you give or you take and I am totally not with the latter.
Love is beautiful for it does not demand anything from you and it simply makes you willingly do anything despite everything.
I believed that love gives you what you need and unluckily, no one told me I should have been prepared when someday love will also take what we don’t appreciate.
I did not really understand what point exactly I should have put myself into because so far, I thought, love already gave me everything I need, and for the part that it will also take what we don’t appreciate, that, hurtfully was never on my cards.
I did not know that giving would someday make you losing.
I did not realize that I took things for granted until I lost them.
I was not prepared that love had the ability to slap so hard it left a scar.
I was not prepared to believe that loving means losing.
It is whether you lose a piece of you or you lose a piece of something you gained while losing a piece of you.
I was both.
And I am upset that I did not appreciate myself enough only end up with me losing every piece of you.
