Memories
This scene will live forever in me because it’s also part of my memories.
Memories don’t go away because what we see, hear, and feel in life is engraved in our souls. Even if the brain forgets it, the soul will keep every bit of it. Memories can always be a supportive part of my life in a magical and unexpected way.
I’m a memory keeper, every moment is well preserved in my memory. Even if the people involved try to erase me from their memories, I’ll never be able to do the same as they did. My memories of important events and people in my life will also live on in my soul.
Sometimes, I really feel like memories are a gift. The only thing I can possibly have completely from the people who only stopped by in my life. Everyone has their season and every memory has its flavor. I’ve never been able to hate the memories that have become a part of me and my life.
It’s not unusual to wish that my brain could erase some of them, memories that are full of pain and regret. However, I’ll never truly be able to hate those memories. I’m just tired of the horrible sensation I feel whenever such memories suddenly play in my head, like a broken tape. It felt utterly sickening to drown in that pain and no one could save me because it was all in my head. I wish I could snap my fingers like Thanos and “poof” everything evaporates from my head. That might help more or it might not.
‘Cause in fact I just wanna be able to make peace with those memories. Looking from another perspective to define those memories. I often hear that sometimes what we think is bad is not necessarily really bad because it might actually save us. So maybe, my pain this time is the same, actually the presence of these memories protects me from deeper pain, which I might not be able to tolerate anymore.
I wonder if I should stop capturing every moment in life so that my brain doesn’t have to label them as memories when time has passed. I doubt if I should stop being a memory keeper and let them fade away as soon as I get through the day. But in the end, I gave up on those complicated thoughts because no matter what the consequences are, I might regret it more if I give in to my fears.
It may be tiring, but it may also be saving. It may be nauseating, but it may also be awakening. It may never be easy letting go so perhaps the best way is by forgiving. Forgive for once again having to allow this self to feel the pain for once again learning. In the end, the pain that arises from things that cannot be controlled can be a reminder and a guidance that leads me in my actions.
Memories will continue live in my soul so I wanna learn to embrace all the feelings it brings. It may hurt today, but maybe then it can help me appreciate all the opportunities in this life that allow all kinds of memories to live in me. The person I am today also grew up thanks to those memories. I learned not to regret, I’ll cherish my memories.
