On Adulting: Making Decision
Murphy’s Law: “If anything can go wrong, it will”
There are a lot of things happening these last three years in my life. Let’s name some like internship and living in a new town, having my very first relationship, facing my very first break up, working on my thesis, dealing with pandemic, back to my hometown, online graduation, falling in love again, officially employed, finding out dad got CKD, and another breakup. Could you imagine how many things could happen just in three years? Realize or not, aren’t we induced to face different situations almost every day?
Every single day we’re actuated to choose and make different decisions. Whether it’s a petty decision like what should I eat today? Should I get a coffee this weekend with my friends? What clothes should I wear today? Blouse or shirt? Colorful or monochrome? Should I have a haircut?
Or could be a big decision to make like, should I resign from my stressful job? Should I switch my career at this age? Should I pursue master degree? Should I get married? Should I stay or leave my relationship? Well, you name it. Decision is always there, tucked in and between moments we live through, it’s a certainty that we could expect as long as we’re living. And by decision, we lead ourselves to the next place that will lead us to another decision. That’s quite how prompt decisions make our way in this world. Thinking about this is terrifying. Sometimes decision comes in an urge to face, but are we always ready to make decision? Are we always have the capacity to think it through and make the right decision? Every decision lead to consequences, what if we screw up and end up in a bad situation? What if it ends up culminating us in remorse?
By the time I’m writing this, the tv showed news about Alec Baldwin who accidentally shot a crew member in the making of a film. This is not exactly what I mean, but heck — how astray life could be.
Looking back at my life, I feel I didn’t always make the right decisions. Even in my 20s I still feel like a kid who is confused about the world, hoping someone could tell me what to do. Sometimes I end up being reckless and trap in self-guilt because of my decision.
When hitting the rock bottom, we’re expected to bounce back. Easy to say, I mean bounce? As we’re a rubber ball? Heck no, we’re not a silly rubber ball and the actualization of it is not easy as said. We have to deal with a lot of feelings and thoughts, and the hardest thing for me is to accept what happened and to forgive myself.
It’s tiring. If I think about it, it’s easier to beat myself up rather than to attempt self-mercy.
People said it’s a part of adulting, as adulting itself is a phase that one day will stop, and you will graduate from it.
Is it?
So what’s next after adulting? I am “adulted”???
Well, let’s say I’m “adulted”, will I feel stable and living peacefully all the time? Will I stop making bad decisions in my life? Is it even possible to avoid bad decisions?
I don’t know yet. All of these confusions, but one thing I know is — I want to be brave. I want to be brave while at the same time careful to decide. I want to live my life better by being aware of how I act and feel. I want to be able to learn from my mistakes. I want to have the courage to be myself, even sometimes it’s a rocky trail.
I guess that’s the art of life? It consists of good and bad decisions. Let’s say we made a decision and it turns to be a bad decision. So what? We couldn’t change what’s done. Sometimes things just don’t go in our favor for whatever reason it is — well, perhaps the reason is simply to prove to us that Murphy’s Law exists. Which simply defines the natural fact that what is to occur, will occur.
Sometimes things seem to be out of our control, it might — but to a certain extent — it’s not. It’s not the end of the world, and as the one who lives your life — you’re not powerless. What matters is the next act. How do we deal with it, and — I can’t believe I’m saying this but yeah, “bounce back”. Once again, it’s easier said than done. While writing this, I’m still in a struggle to forgive myself over a series of bad decisions in my life. Today I might visit my mistakes with a wise perspective, but in another day I could break down like a child and scold myself again.
Sometimes we need to take a step back to move two steps forward, they said. I would like to believe it’s true.
Perhaps there is no such thing as a bad decision if it brings us lessons to be a better version of ourselves. Perhaps.
Perhaps I will never graduate from this “adulting phase”, but I know I’m adjusting in a good direction. I hope.
Perhaps adulting is not even a phase, perhaps it’s an endless journey in life.
Perhaps the term adulting is overrated, as it is simply just how to live is.
