Rollercoaster Ride
This year has been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride for me, a tumultuous journey that has taken me through the highs of newfound independence and the lows of heartbreak and shattered friendships. It’s been a complex web of emotions and experiences that have left me questioning who I am and what I want.
In the beginning, as I embarked on my clinical rotation, I felt like a child at a new playground, eagerly exploring this unfamiliar environment. The initial months were filled with excitement as I embraced the challenges and hungered for knowledge. Little did I know that clinical rotation could be as treacherous as swimming in a shark cage. The rivalry among friends was an unexpected twist, a reminder that, in the end, we are all on our own in this competitive world. It became imperative to separate our professional relationships from our friendships, a daunting task that demanded a level of maturity I had not fully comprehended until now.
Amidst the chaos of my clinical rotation, I found myself at a crossroads, acknowledging the need for professional help. I decided to see a psychologist, not because I wanted to burden my loved ones with my problems but because I wanted an unbiased ear to confide in. I knew they cared about me, but I didn’t want to trouble them. This decision was a turning point, setting the stage for the challenges that lay ahead.
This year also brought with it the recurring pain of heartbreak, inflicted by the same person once again. It was a cycle I couldn’t seem to escape. But I had my coping mechanisms. I channeled my energy into activities that kept my mind occupied, a desperate attempt to divert my thoughts away from the person who had broken my heart repeatedly.
As if heartbreak weren’t enough, I found myself embroiled in a bitter conflict with my oldest friend. This was a battle we had never faced before, and it hit me harder than any romantic disappointment. I didn’t shed tears over lost love; instead, I wept for the friendship hanging precariously on the edge of a precipice. The memories of our shared experiences, the laughter, and the support we had given each other were too precious to lose. Yet, it seemed that fate had other plans, and my friend's actions haunted me, challenging my understanding of her character.
“The sympathy for the case is nice, but she’s sorry I’m upset? That’s not the same as apologizing for her actions or the garbage she said. She’s sorry I reacted the way I did.
Oddly enough, I needed to know that.” ― Angie Thomas, The Hate U Give
Friendship is a bond that, in many ways, can be just as profound as any romantic relationship. It’s built on trust, shared experiences, and the belief that someone will be there for you through thick and thin. However, just like romantic relationships, friendships can also come to an end. Today, I want to share my personal journey of experiencing a friendship breakup with my oldest friend, highlighting the emotional rollercoaster and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.
My oldest friend and I go way back, almost as far as my memory can reach. We shared countless childhood adventures, secrets, and milestones. Our friendship was like a comfortable old sweater, always there to provide warmth and support. We knew each other inside out, and there was an unspoken understanding that our bond would withstand anything life threw at us. We attended the same school, but we were in different classes. She was such a motivation for me because of her hard-working nature.
But as we grew older, life started to take us in different directions. Career choices, relationships, and personal interests began to diverge. The once effortless connection now requires effort. It became evident that we were no longer the same people who had forged this bond in our youth. Small disagreements turned into bigger conflicts, and our once unbreakable friendship began to crack.
One fateful day, after we celebrated the holy month of Ramadan, there was a small incident that turned into a heated argument, escalating into a hurtful exchange of words that left both of us wounded. It was a turning point that neither of us saw coming. In the aftermath, we decided to put an end to our relationship. Little did we know that this “break” would ultimately lead to the painful realization that our friendship had reached its expiration date.
The end of a long-standing friendship is no less painful than the end of a romantic relationship. I found myself grieving the loss of someone who had been an integral part of my life for decades. The memories we had created together suddenly felt bittersweet, and I struggled to come to terms with the idea that this person, who had once been my confidant, was now a stranger.
Breaking up with my oldest friend was undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences I’ve faced. It taught me that even the most enduring bonds can change and that it’s okay to let go when a friendship no longer serves both parties. While the pain lingers, I’m grateful for the lessons learned and the opportunity to grow as an individual. Friendships may come and go, but the memories and lessons they leave behind stay with us, shaping us into better versions of ourselves.
“The older we get, the more we need our friends — and the harder it is to keep them.” — Jennifer Senior
