The Allegation of ‘Right Person at the Wrong Time’
Indeed, the right person at the wrong time means they’re not really the ‘right’ one.
One day, a friend of mine came to me and said he’d met someone who fit all his criteria — appearance, behavior, sense of humor, and interests. Essentially, he felt this person was the right partner.
Unfortunately, they couldn’t continue the relationship because they had to separate due to distance. In the silence as I searched for the right reaction to the situation, my friend quipped,
“Maybe she’s the right person, but it’s the wrong time.”
What Does the Wrong Time Mean?
This scenario is very familiar to me, from friends, colleagues, movie dialogues, to stories from strangers on the internet. Looking back to when I was experiencing puppy love in school, I might have agreed with that statement.
However, now I see that this expression is just a justification for the inability and unwillingness of both parties to fight for each other — to fight for the relationship.
Basically, the right person at the wrong time is just not the right person.
Meeting the right person at the wrong time is indeed very heartbreaking and frustrating. We see this person meeting all our criteria and needs for a partner. However, the universe hasn’t conspired to unite us.
Even though we keep trying to make this relationship work, circumstances seem determined to keep us apart.
Maybe you two just don’t have the in-yeon. Maybe in another universe, you would have a happily-ever-after love story. But in this universe, we have to let this person go, even before the relationship has a chance to fully blossom.
Or maybe, you are like Mia and Seb who have their own dreams and prioritize them — which is okay.
Behind the Right Timing
All aspects match and align with what we’re looking for, but only one thing doesn’t — timing.
Maybe they live in a different time zone. Or they just got out of a toxic relationship and are not ready to start a new one. Or maybe there are religious differences.
“What could make this the right time for this relationship? It could be an issue of life stages, jobs, finances, or readiness for the relationship, but I think it helps to recognize the ways you control the timing and the ways you don’t.” — Bonnie Scott, LPC.
There’s always a concrete reason why we think this person is right for the relationship we’re about to build. There’s always the same value. There’s always the same goal.
Therefore, we need to closely examine what qualities attract us to this person. When we identify the factors that attract us, we can also see the factors that hinder us.
Effort and Compromise are Forms of Love
If there are hindering factors and we decide this relationship is still worth fighting for, we might take any steps necessary to make it work.
Whether it can be controlled or is beyond our control, everything can be done based on the willingness to do so.
Timing here just becomes a scapegoat we create ourselves. Compromise and control are in our hands.
When these two things are not within our grasp, we may never find the ‘right’ person.
There are many reasons behind ‘the right person at the wrong time.’ However, it must also be realized that the right person doesn’t just appear out of nowhere; rather, we make them the ‘right’ person.
Love is not just a feeling that suddenly appears, but also an effort that must be continually fought for.
If one party is indeed unwilling to make the effort, perhaps it’s not the wrong time, but rather they are not the right person.
