The Beauty of Solitude
Once upon a time, in a tourism site, she was parking her motorbike and the parking guy approached her.
Sendirian aja neng? which means, are you coming here alone?
Responded with a smile, as she had predicted that this question would pop up from a stranger she met.
Muhun, Pak. sendirian. Ti Bandung, motoran, which means, yes, I am riding from Bandung, alone.
Not only in that occasion she got such question, but also in other ones, such as in some places in her solo trip last year.
I think, when people are questioning about why you would and could go to some tourist attractions alone, or simply hopping on a cafe on your own, it’s because they (we) haven’t normalized that solitude, is just a normal thing that an individual have in life. Living in a country by being collective with people surrounding us in a regular basis as a lifestyle makes solitude seems a rare agenda taken to a table. It’s not a foreign thing if we can find some people has a fear of going somewhere or even doing something without another person beside them. For instance, a person who is reluctant to eat in a fancy restaurant by their own must have their company so they won’t feel lonely.
Lonely? I prefer call it the beauty of being alone to a loneliness. Solitude, or simply spending time with our own, without companies, most of the time is seen as something alien. Not few people look down upon a solitude. In fact, solitude is just a part of individual’s growth and development. In some ways, it is very useful in building our mentality.
I believe that all people have experienced moments where they were broken into pieces. Break up or divorce with their significant other, face gradual failures, lose their loved ones eternally and many other heart-breaking occasion that you can mention. Does it come across your mind that after all these things happen, we only have our own back and shoulders to lean on (number 2 after The Divine one, of course), don’t we? I bet we are familiar enough with this notion;
People come and go.
This notion simply notes us that it’s always our own selves who will be around when no one else’s does. We have to get our back, stand tall by our own in the darkest times we go through. No matter how big or small our problem is, in work, school, family, it’s always us that we can count on, in the very first place. It’s ourselves, who feel the downs, get to know to the problems, analyze them, make efforts to resolve them, try to head up after everything occurs, face the uneasy feelings as the aftermath, all of them start from ourselves. Maybe people will come by to help, yet we must not deny that someday they’ll go if their period is over. Remember what the unknown quote has said?
Setiap orang ada masanya, setiap masa ada orangnya.
Again, it reminds us that after all this time, it’s always us, for us.
So, to what extent that a solitude has its role in building our mentality and help us growing and developing as a human being? Here’re things I’ve been acquiring and learning in practicing solitude (due to some hard times in life, few years ago).
Solitude, indeed helps us to get to know ourselves, even deeper than any personality test may result. Knowing that human is created complexly by The Creator, they have complicated things just to explain by words or express through actions and expressions. Times where we spend our time alone may assist us to get familiar with something we like or dislike and something scares us after all this time, describe how our physical appearance according to our own mind, list what kind of places we love to stay or go to, find out what activities and interests we are into, discover our short and long term life purpose, think of what kind of a person that we want to be with, list what fancy food we should try on weekends, figure out what exercises that suit our body capability, reach those small wins cause we just completed those racks of day to day to-do-list and tick them with a smile, or simply just lie on grass staring at the bright blue sky on a picnic carpet and feel the wind passing by.
Noticing small to big things and being conscious in doing those is something that perhaps we always take them for granted. Some of the time we’re too occupied with works or school or other things so we deprioritize our own. Now we see, by spending just 1 to 2 hours in a day alone, we have already tried to dive deeper into our complex yet beautiful self. We’ll sure find out something new from ourselves where we couldn’t find it in prior, when we are not alone.
Solitude again, gives us time to reflect. As it’s written that human is a complicated creature, we have so even too much to occupy, both in our mind and heart. Most of the time we feel like we have no-one or nothing where we can outpour all those chaotic thoughts and feelings. In embracing solitude, there is more time for us to look in-depth to those things, how deep those thoughts and feelings that bring us to hard times, how to finally control and what actions we should take in dealing with those problems. This self-reflection, can only be enacted when we sit somewhere alone and start to scratch from the start. We can only notice and identify our flow of emotions in reacting to a thing when we’re alone, since in that moment, we’re communicating with the selves of ours.
In this crowded world, we sometimes forget that individuals have boundaries to another. We bother other people or also get bothered by which leads us to some uncomfortable feelings. Knowing our boundaries to one another helps us to get to know how far we’re relying on others. This can track how dependent we are to the point we can’t do something alone. Imagine that it’s because we are not used to do something alone, we become dependent individuals just because we can’t be alone. We know that being alone is a simple thing to do right? Yet some of us are too scared to try or worst, to be judged as a loner which in fact being alone doesn’t mean a it is. To this extent, giving us and other people time and space to be alone, we will discover how important those people are for us, which indirectly may assist us to sort out people who are truly meaningful, not the people who likes to misjudge our solitude.
Boundary itself also gives us sense of not giving a f*ck and contentment. Sometimes, our thoughts are filled with how people perceive us, whether we’re too much for them or too less, those “too” things bother us and lead to the actually-not-important overthinking moment. By giving space to others, we’ll less think something beyond our control and mind. When our heads are empty from those unnecessary thoughts, we will feel such contentment. The consciousness that has been waiting for us to be embraced, finally is experienced! Solitude also helps us to think about ourselves at first and avoid us for being a people pleaser. I am not saying that help others brings harm for us. However, most of the time we are too prioritizing others out of our own. I believe that setting boundary also builds our respect to others and others’ to us as well. We can’t deny that the aftermath of living in this collective country hardens us to set boundary, hence, solitude can do this task!
Now, how if we are too hard to start embracing solitude? Here’s the thing. First, remember what Stacey Ryan says; if we never try, how will we know? Yup! At the very least, we can start to walk out of our room or house alone! Walk somewhere close first, to a stall perhaps? buy that egg and scramble it in your kitchen while listening to Sunflower by Rex Orange County and do that little dance. See? We have done 2 things alone, and the most important part, fun! Next, go somewhere farther and, crowd, but alone! Put on your earphone, play your favorite songs or podcast, and just walk your way. Now, go to a place where you find your comfort food! Chicken satay somewhere on the sidewalk? Marugame Udon? Or a late night chicken porridge in a market? Go for them! Oh! Don’t forget to spare some cash to purchase your favorite movie ticket and a bucket of sweet popcorn, now you’re all set! Go to places you’ve listed, just.by.your.own. Trust me, once we find peace and fun in being alone, eventually, we’ll feel safer and even in a wiser landscape to look at, we’ll be more able to take our own responsibility on what we do.
Solitude. Dear friends, don’t hesitate to practice solitude from now. Going somewhere near or far or doing something by your own doesn’t make you look like an “empty” person. Instead, when you feel safe in being alone, meaning that you have won this life! I think, embracing solitude is a number one type of bravery that we can easily build at first. When we feel safe in solitude, there’s nothing in this world that we can’t conquer, cause it feels SO good to have our own hand and feet and body and mind to rely on.
