The Untold Thoughts and Feelings
Tell me one word that describes best a human! What came across your mind? You may comment underneath! But for me, that’ll be..
Complex.
Yup! For as long as live in this flat earth for 24 years, I think that word suits human the most. Different from other creatures that The Divine has created, human has complete structures of element that importantly support their living, at least for me, those are thoughts and feelings that are processed in the brain, the center of our body (I don’t know in what part of our body where the feeling is processed, therefore I’m still figuring out and by the time I’ve got the answer, I promise you I will write that in a special topic haha).
Speaking of thoughts and feelings, how many of you here are good at expressing them in an assertive way? It’s good for you if you do. However, I’m not gonna say that ones who don’t are fools (no, I’m not saying that, really. Keep on reading :D). I believe that how we communicate our thoughts and feelings right now is also influenced by how our parents and surroundings grew us. Let’s reflect and dive deeper into yourself right now.
First, think about how often you can openly discuss one thing, in depth, with your parents. For instance, you as an 18 years old boy wants to reveal what you’re going to do next after high school to your parents. Do you find it difficult to say? Are you afraid of not being listened and comprehended even responded well? Are you confident to explain the whys and be ready of whatever their feedbacks are? Or another instance, you in your mid 20s, wants to introduce that someone you’ve found in the middle of your life to your parents. Do you have that courage just to start the conversation? Or you’ve been thinking and googling some ways to open that kind of talk with your parent? I see. I got you.
We have to be aware that those cases really happen, for some people. As growing older and mature I realize that it’s important to figure out the roots of why those can happen so that we can do a brand new change for our own future. Why is it hard sometimes just to communicate our thoughts and feelings to our parents? Why are we afraid at first before trying to convey it all, without thinking the consequences and what probably happens next? Perhaps, this relates to the way we’re raised back then. The way our parents parented, educated, and raised us are actually contributing to how we think, feel and perceive something.
Do you mind if I ask you to together look back and reflect again? Yes, let’s do this.
When you were a child, did your parents answer all of your curiosities patiently, comprehensively, not intimidating and not giving you that “stop asking, you’ll know it someday in the future” type of answer? If yes, once again, good for you. If not, come here let me tell you. I know that since that happened, you started to feel like you don’t deserve those chances where you can talk and flood your parents with your unlimited questions about the world. You started to isolate yourself with your untold thoughts and feelings which indeed needed to be discussed on the dining table together with the rest of nuclear family members. You had no more trust and all left was the fear to bring up a talk (even a small one) to them.
Or another case like, when your parents figured out you did something that out of their “value or rule” let’s say you broke your parents’ rules just because. They punished you with the ways they thought “the best” but turned out it wasn’t. It turned you more distant in terms of to be open whenever you need them to talk something a little bit serious. You’re too afraid of any consequences happen afterwards. You’re afraid of them getting mad and any other results. Therefore, you grew with those fears, distrust, tendency to keep what’s on your head and feeling deep inside by yourself.
But hey, the good news is, we finally grow up and realize and figure out the root, of the whys, of the reasons, as we can read bunch of information related to growth, parenting, about oneself. Then we also come to a point when we aware that our parents too, were (are) learning how to become “good” parents. There are no parents who want to give their children with lacking. They’ve always tried best to fulfill our needs, desires, their responsibility as people whom God entrusted to take care and raise us.
For them to raise us, they have chosen which values to take, which rules must be constructed and finally obeyed by us in order to (perhaps) avoid us from this mundane world’s evils. Although they sometimes (maybe often, for number of people) are not acceptable and perceivable by us. We are growing in a different wave of generation, they were raised by our grandparents who were even more “strict” to which made them into who they are now and inherited that type of parenting without interfering with those “advanced” ways to parent in this era methods.
All I wanna say is, despite growing in a different gen, we as ones who are more “advance” right now supposed to give them understanding about how we want to be perceived, as a grown up. We can’t deny that even sometimes our dad and mom are still being protective in this age. “where are you, what are you doing, have you got your lunch?” are their typical chats. I know that in this age (20s up) we want to be independent, don’t want to follow their rules no more. Sometimes there are times when they think that we’re still their newborn baby, trust me, every parents do this. And when this happened, why don’t we (once or twice) validate it and embrace them and tell them, “yes, I’m still your little girl/boy, but I’ll be safe and sound with my own decision” followed by our actions to ensure them that we are.
Also, don’t forget to always ask for their blessings and prayers in any kind of journey you decided to take. The point is, let’s start to improve those old school ways of communicating with our parents. Let’s be brave to open first, but still followed by politeness and soft manner. Give them the visual of understanding of what we want, some tender instruction (let’s say, a guide) may be helpful. For example, “hey mom/dad. I wanna talk about something (while give your bits of giggle, perhaps), but first, please hear me out till the end I talk, yaa”. I’m sure it will work. And when it’s time for them to response, you treat them the same way as in prior.
For all the things that your parents did in the past, that accidentally hurted you, formed you into the way you think you’re becoming so complex in thinking, feeling, or even perceiving something, with our maturity in this age, let’s forgive them and apologize to them, sincerely. Don’t ever deny that we too, in the past, possibly hurted them too.
No matter what, our parents are ones who brought, raised, sacrifice their life just for us to live properly, in this world. If you think to raise a children is their responsibility, yeah, I know. However, as a grownup, understanding them in their current age right now supposed to be not as hard as we were young back then, right? As a Muslim too, I believe that everything good that we give to our parents will return to us, in any kind of form. It’s our time to give back.
Through this writing, I’d love to encourage everyone of us (even myself), let’s give and spread much more love to our parents. Forgive them sincerely. It’s their first time being parents. There are no parents who wants bad things to happen to their children. All they did was just, trying to safe us, even though some of the methods didn’t suit us. If only for one or two minutes, we put on to their shoes and feels how to be one. Think about having a daughter or son who is currently studying out of the town as parents. I believe you’ll immediately think about them right now.
Mulai sekarang, jangan gengsi bilang sayang ke Ayah Ibumu, ya! :)
