This is me saying, “i hope you’re happy”

“I hope my absence gives you the peace my love never could” is my way of saying “I hope you’re happy”.

I found this excerpt on Twitter that I directly think of you as I read it.

After decided to have counselling again, I am reminded that it was not my fault that you turned out to be someone your younger self (maybe even your true self) swore not to be. Life is full of mistakes, and as much as we try to be careful on the way, we can never be completely clean and innocent. Either we learn and move on or drown in sorrow.

I must admit I used to be the latter, especially when it comes to you. I could never hate you, and when I tried to, you always find a way to make me the villain. The worst part? I believed I was the villain. I got fooled. I needed to be the one to feel shame and said sorry to make us work out again.

Only God knows how long I have been bearing with the feeling of never being good enough (for you); I just wanted to love you. No, sorry I wrote it wrong, I just wanted you to love me. So I didn’t mind bearing to hold onto the feeling a lil bit longer. Maybe soon you’ll realize my presence and my wish-to-be-longlasting-love for you, and maybe you’ll accept my love the way you accept the love from that person you barely knew.

That maybe has never been, and has not happened. I gave up waiting for it as I found myself humming during my commute, eating fresh strawberries, taking pictures of the bluest skies I’ve ever seen, walking from the bus stop to my workplace while listening to the birds chirping.

Now that I’m leaving, you wouldn’t need to worry about finding a defense to put all the blame on me.

Now that I’m absent, you don’t have to worry about me finding out about anything you want to keep forever a secret.

“When can I call you?”

“You can call me now, I’m free today.”

But you didn’t call, and I didn’t wait for your call anymore .

That’s how our conversation ended — that’s how I let you go.