To Be Loved Is To Be Understood
Recently, an Instagram reel crossed my page. It’s about “intangible grief”: the feeling of sadness or grief that is not universal. In other words, not everyone understands how sad it is to experience such things. It’s the opposite of “tangible grief”, such as when someone’s losing their loved ones, which is easily understandable why people are sad because of that.
Personally, one of the examples of intangible grief is overthinking. Not everyone directly understands why those thoughts matter to me. People may ask, “Why do you think that far in advance?” “That’s a small detail, why are you fixated on it?” Just, “Why?”
For example, on a daily basis, have you ever thought about when Doomsday will come? Well, that’s another topic, so I won’t elaborate further, but you get what I mean.
I call such things “grief” because sometimes it’s torturing me. However, I’m lucky enough to have the facility to control it. I’m lucky enough to have family or friends to talk to, to be religious enough that it can be something I put a grip on, and to be aware and knowledgeable enough about mental health.
It is as simple as discovering MBTI online. I know that it’s stereotypical or some people may call it pseudoscience, but at some point, those theories make me feel understood. (Note that it’s crucial not to internalize 100% of the theory. Instead, just take ones that are suitable).
In the case where someone’s not lucky, it could end differently. Recently, there was a case about someone who took their lives. You may be familiar with the Cimindi case. The farewell note is spreaded online and I read it. The person’s level of thinking, in terms of complexity, can be said to be similar. Well, again, it is a whole new and complex topic which I don’t want to discuss further here, but the thing is: overthinking can be literally a killer, if it’s handled incorrectly.
Although in another scenario, some stories or thoughts may have to be left unsaid. Simply, we can’t tell people because they’re in it and they may get offended (“they” as in everyone, including our closest people). This links back to the main reason: they will not understand it as well as me. If I’m going to be (overly) self-reflective, it’s a skill issue for me to make it as clear as possible; if not, then it’s just too complex to comprehend, even by myself. By the end of the day, we keep it to ourselves.
Keeping to ourselves doesn’t necessarily suppress our emotions. Regulating them on our own is a thing, too, such as writing diaries/journals, meditating, or even starting your own unpublished podcast.
With that being said, it hits different when I find someone whom I can share those deep feelings to. The first important rule, the person doesn’t dismiss your emotion. Second, that person doesn’t judge. Third, that person hears you as who you are and does not necessarily say their opinion on it. Fourth, that person understands you. People who are capable of this are who I will forever be grateful for.
As for someone like me, to be loved is to be understood.
