what does “first love” mean to you?
For me, first love is like walking into an old, abandoned house, noticing the cracks on the ceilings and the faded colors on the wall. Yet, as time goes by, you begin to accept the house for what it is. For all its defects, it is the home that kept you safe for months, years even. It never falls apart, even when you feel like your world is collapsing. Even after you move out to a better home, the old one will always be cherished in your memory.
First love is like going through a dusty bookshelf and finding the very first book you’ve ever read. The pages have turned yellow, the spine has a slight crack from the myriad of times you’ve read it. You still have memories of every single page, word for word. You know the entire story like the back of your hand. No matter how many times you read it, you never get tired.
You experience first love when you first learn to accept someone wholly, warts and all. First love feels slow, yet steady. It never feels rushed. First love is subtle, so much so that you don’t realize it at first. It slowly creeps into your soul, like a beautiful dream haunting you at night.
Your first love is a mark of maturity. It is a milestone, indicating your first transition from childhood to adulthood. It is a sign that you are learning to feel love for someone beyond simple admiration and infatuation. Often, it becomes a significant part of your life growing up.
I believe there is a difference between experiencing a first love and a first crush. When you first experience a crush — perhaps in your childhood or at the start of your adolescence — you feel the rush of blood in your veins, traveling through different parts of your body until it heats up. You can feel your heart palpitating rapidly as it tries to control the overflowing blood running through. But first loves are different. They don’t always come with the butterflies and the palpitations. That’s what makes it so subtle and hard to tell.
Infatuations make you feel a wide array of emotions. One minute you’re ecstatic, the next you’re anxious. You feel many contradictory sensations at the same time. And yet, despite your emotions being so intense, you only know the object of your affections on a surface level. Often, you admire the parts of them that you wish to see. And it’s not a bad thing — after all, you’re just starting to learn what love and admiration feel like.
First love, on the other hand, often feels serene. It’s the calm that guides you through the storm, the light to guide you through the dark alone, the shimmering ray of hope in the midst of desperation. It involves getting to know that person on a much deeper level. Your affection goes beyond admiring their positive qualities and ignoring negative ones. You cherish them for all they are, embracing every single puzzle piece that shapes who they are as a person. You feel comfortable just being yourself around them, whether you become quieter or louder or weirder than normal.
I believe that that’s my definition of ‘first love’. What’s yours?
