Who The Hell Are You?
The quest to know thyself
You open up the restaurant menu. The chicken karaage looks tempting, but you’ve tried it one too many times before. The grilled unagi is pricier and more adventurous, but perhaps not worth the expense unless it’s a special occasion. Then there is the classic California roll, but maybe, it’s a little too classic. A little too boring.
This indecision does not only occur at inconsequential Japanese restaurants. For many young adults, we face the same indecisiveness at the buffet of life.
Just think about the items that are on offer in this metaphorical buffet: Marriage is up there. But is marriage really for you? Or are you just as confused about it as ordering that grilled unagi? What about children? Is it too soon or is it too late? Then there is the awkward issue of finances. You want more money for sure, but you don’t really have a number in mind. In any case, how many California rolls can you buy to finally make you complete?
The problem of indecisiveness is an annoying one to have. It wastes precious time and it degrades one’s sense of self-assuredness. The solution to such conundrums is very simple — yet extremely difficult to achieve: self-awareness.
Intimately knowing yourself is arguably the most important knowledge one can possess. Simply because it informs every decision you will ever make — from what to have for dinner, to whom you want to have dinner with for the rest of your life. Ordering a California roll is much less consequential than choosing whether to move to California — but both decisions rest on the degree to which you are in touch with your true desires. Mis-judge them, and you will end up eating a sub-par dish, with a sub-par partner, in a sub-par state.
Hello, Me
The journey towards self-awareness is a long and perilous one. In this modern world, it is all too tempting to outsource this self-discovery to horoscopes, personality tests and therapists. What a rush of dopamine it is for someone to tell you that you are an “Aquarius, INTJ, with traumatic maternal attachment issues and a spiritual compatibility with Sagittarians.” The problem is, all such labels are created in the spirit of categorization, not personalization.
Search the web for online personality tests as much as you wish. Drown yourself in as much horoscopes as you can bear. But realize that you are effectively outsourcing your most personal journey to the hands of indifferent strangers. There are more worthwhile paths to take.
Trial and error, unfortunately, is the path that many take towards eventual self-awareness. Much less arduous and painful is the path of honest introspection. The first is perhaps more effective in changing behavior, as it teaches you the ‘hard way’, but the second is undoubtedly more efficient.
Youth affords you the luxury of self-ignorance. In your twenties, and certainly in your teens, be as blind all you want — nothing is expected of you anyway. But with age comes less time, less choice, less opportunity, less potential. The outward branching of life narrows further and further into a single point, a point that is dictated by several turning point decisions — such as who you choose to marry (or marry at all), where to live, what professional occupation you engage in, and whether or not to have children. Those four decisions will probably dictate 90% of the ambiance of a young adult’s life for the next five decades — if one is so lucky as to live for that long.
It is not necessary to score big in every one of those decisions, but it takes a great amount of self-awareness to put yourself in a favorable point that will define the next few decades of life. Again, get them wrong, and you may end up eating a sub-par dish, with a sub-par partner, in a sub-par state, for the next 50 years.
The saying “Know Thyself” has become a bit of a cliché. Maybe the oldest cliché of them all (given its ancient Greek origins). A part of my journey has been in discovering my love of words as well as a hopeless adoration towards clichés and aphorisms. So allow me to end with a cheesy quote by Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung: “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
