Comparing Yourself Will Ruin Your Writing
Why it’s time to embrace your own voice
After several days and hours filtering through Medium content, comparing myself to the who’s who on here, I felt it was time to finally open a new story tab. Then, after patting myself on the back — because it took so long to get to that point in the first place — I’m left staring at a blank page, with my thoughts and an intimidating cursor that I’m certain is heckling me.
There is something dishonest that happens in our brain after reading ample amounts of ‘how to’s’ and ‘this is how I did it’ material. Often it makes me feel like I’m progressing in writing when I haven’t even written yet. That is until you realize while staring at the blank page, that you’re not Tim Denning, and writing — what feels like — a hit a minute. Then the thought of starting that story yourself hits you in your gut like a foosball that’s flown over the edge, and the pesky comparison hits its stride. How is he a genius, and how can I become a genius too?
I’m certain Tim Denning would tell us, that it’s about showing up and doing the darn thing, even when you don’t feel like it. But what about that comparison bit? Perhaps it’s part of the ‘even when you don’t feel like it’ portion.
Once upon a time, I was watching an event on YouTube. The speaker — amidst her back and forth stage walk — halted mid-walk and looked out into the sea of people. With a determined, passionate stare down, she said ‘comparison, is a thief of your joy!’. I thought about it — but not for long. One does not need to think of something too long when it has hit one like a ton of bricks.
Here’s the thing — if you’re like me, and you continue comparing yourself to the greatest writers, musicians, illustrators, etc. then are we not just living our lives to become someone else? I am not speaking of simply being inspired, because that is a great thing! I’m talking about abandoning even trying because the road seems too arduous and impossible. Do you know why it’s impossible? Because you and I cannot become someone else. In life, there will always be similar people, but that does not mean that each of us do not have a uniqueness that only we can uniquely bring.
So what is that uniqueness? I put it to you — there is only one you. You may be similar to someone, but even two people can’t have the same life experience as you. This is what you bring to the table that Tim Denning cannot. A different perspective. Perhaps it’s only you, that can pierce someone’s soul with a truth their soul has been longing to hear. The reality, is how would we ever know unless we try?
A few ways I have aimed to forge ahead and bite the nasty comparison bug in the bud.
Stop Comparing
Listen, take it from someone who unfortunately lives here more than she’d care to admit. But take courage — it’s just not true. Those voices that tell you, you aren’t good enough are ridiculous, and you need to stop wasting time listening to them and hone your craft. Okay, maybe you do need improvement. Maybe a lot — I have no idea — but don’t you want to be farther ahead in the process instead of looking at everyone else but yourself? Again, comparing is the thief of joy.
Think for a moment how many times we scroll through social media, looking at the world through a highlight reel and we forget how much we compare our full lives — failures and all — to the success of others. How can we create with confidence? You must look ahead in your lane. Stop worrying what others are doing, unless it breathes fresh life into your soul.
Show Up
I don’t think it matters if you’re using a laptop, cellphone, or a feather pen and paper. If you have the bare minimum tools to write down your thoughts, then the hardest part to get past is sitting down and doing the darn thing! At a certain point, you need to stop looking to the right and left, maybe turn your wifi off, and put your head to paper, screen, or finger in the dirt. Take it from someone who’s been there also — this is the difficult part because it’s where the mental battle begins. Congratulations — you sat down on your behind — now don’t get up until you write something!
Start writing
Perhaps you’ve read it? Stephen King’s, book On Writing, which takes a look through the author’s life, from poor to rich, how he got there, and some practical tips on what he’s learned. He speaks on the concept of shutting everything off. Find a quiet space where you know you won’t be distracted. For goodness sake, don’t bring your phone into this space unless it’s your tool for writing! I have found nothing as distracting as a phone with Instagram next to me when I have hit a wall.
King goes on to say that when you first write — do it with the ‘door open’. His meaning was in the figurative sense — ‘don’t edit yourself while you’re just getting ideas down!’. The first stage is the draft. I’ve done this to many times to count during songwriting. As if the song needs to come out like a diamond on its first round. This is simply not true, and the same applies to writing anything. Just write what comes to you. Edit later. King goes onto to say that after the draft, he lets it sit for a while. After some time passes, he rewrites and edits with the ‘door closed’. This is when you take your piece through the wringer. This is when you do your best to create a piece you’re proud of, and something of high quality, and extra fancy. You won’t get to this point if you don’t first show up and shake off the comparison.
Remember that no one is perfect. Heck, perfection is exhausting and overrated, yet somehow online is the place we all want to ‘look’ like we’re perfect. We see comments from people that lack grace and wisdom, and we fear to look anything but put together.
That’s garbage.
I bet you have some life experience someone needs to hear, but they won’t unless you show up!
