2 Questions to Elevate Your Life
On the importance of reflection.
Burnout is an old friend of mine. I’ve always been the type of person to go all in, full speed ahead, make lists, plan days down to the minute and research the latest productivity tools. So why is it that I walked around exhausted, none of my goals accomplished, with a pocketful of unfulfilled promises?
I lived on highs and lows. Peaks of enthusiasm, energy, and optimism. Valleys of too much coffee, sleepless nights, and missed deadlines. I set goals, filled my schedule, believed in myself wholeheartedly. Again and again, I ended up in that valley, with shaky hands, a headache, and an overwhelming sense of disappointment and shame.
Slowly, the “rise and grind hustle” blinders came off. I began to realize that maybe the reason I couldn’t get anything done wasn’t my lack of discipline, or weak-mindedness, but the simple fact that I wasn’t giving myself room to grow. I expected a change overnight. To go from a mere mortal to a fully-fledged productivity machine.
Through the exploration of various productivity and lifestyle trends (minimalism, meditation, etc.) I learned about the importance of awareness and intention. The ‘why’ of it all, and the pause to make that observation.
In my journey to be more mindful, I stumbled across WNRS on Instagram. WNRS (pronounced “winners,” which stands for “we’re not really strangers”) is a “card game with the intention of empowering meaningful connections with others.” Going through the questions in the deck, and their beautifully confronting Instagram posts, is when it finally clicked. All those years of trying too hard, and trying again, and failing over and over. If I just gave myself permission to slow down, step back, and look at my experience I could move forward with more clarity.
One card in particular played on a loop through my head.
So I sat down.
Wrote down the questions.
And answered them.
WHAT’S WORKING?
WHAT’S HURTING?
I had discovered the importance of reflection.
What is reflection?
Reflecting is going beyond explaining what we do, and actively engaging in why we do it. It highlights the process. Reflection helps us find value in both positive and negative experiences. It acknowledges our efforts. The Institute for Academic Development out of the University of Edinburgh puts it best, defining reflection as “a process of exploring and examining ourselves, our perspectives, attributes, experiences, and actions/ interactions. It helps us gain insight and see how to move forward.”
Why haven’t I done this yet?
If you’re like me, this seemed daunting. Opening up is hard, even if it is just to yourself. You are confronted with things that are messy and complicated. Reflection becomes easy to avoid because it is so fraught. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s necessary if you’re looking to make any sort of honest change. There’s no changing what you aren’t familiar with. Reflection is a way to grasp what’s really going on under the surface.
How to reflect
Reflecting is not one size fits all. It’s different from person to person and depends on what you want to reflect upon. The first step is to identify just that. What question(s) would you like to reflect upon? Feel free to use my favorite two I mentioned above. They are very broad and can help guide you to more specific areas of your life to explore. Second, choose a method of reflection that works for you. My favorite is writing it all out. You might like talking it out with a trusted friend. Whatever it is, make sure you are allowing yourself room, to be honest, and vulnerable. Finally, do the thing! Make it as easy as possible. Keep it simple. You don’t want to make this an ordeal. Start small. Give yourself 15 minutes. Too long? 5 minutes is more than enough to get started.
Now what?
Congrats! You spent time nurturing your growth. Be proud of this. It’s not easy. What’s next? Move forward. Depending on what you find, you may want to create some sort of action plan, or maybe just continue observing your behavior and emotions. There is no right answer. For a more meaningful experience, stay consistent. Make reflecting a regular occurrence. Rinse and repeat each week. You will see change answering the same questions time after time. You will see growth in how your questions about yourself change overtime. It’s all about cultivating curiosity.
Reflection does exactly what you’d expect it to — it shows you what’s right in front of you. It can help you see more clearly so you can move forward in a more intentional way. Reflection is not a miracle cure, but more of a way to diagnose symptoms. It is a way of gathering honest, truthful information about yourself. What you do with that information is where the power of reflection truly lies.
