Starting at Zero
(A New Beginning)
I’m tired. Beyond exhausted, to be exact.
Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, creatively, professionally, socially, culturally and financially drained would be more accurate, actually.
I’m tired of writing. Tired of this platform, its politics, and politics in general.
I’m tired of the news. Tired of my news feed, newsletters, views, stats, followers, and all the same old same.
It’s all resulted in the mental exhaustion I mentioned above.
I’m not mad, sad, disappointed or angry. I simply don’t have the emotional capacity to care right now.
It’s all been consumed faster than I can produce or even fake having it.
Consumed by exes, friends, ex-friends, old friends, exes marrying old friends, fake friends, Facebook friends, trying to make new friends, and white women who tweet about and share GIFs of the show Friends.
I’m emotionally drained from burying friends, even though I didn’t physically bury them.
I’m tired of so many of my friends being dead and being dead to the rest.
I’ve grown tired of trying to figure out what a friend even is.
I just want to start back at zero.
Zero worries, complaints, and concerns.
Zero feigned outrage from readers.
Zero emails and DMs from people who take my words out of context.
Zero assumptions from other zeros who know zero about me but presume to have me all figured out despite the fact we’ve met zero times IRL.
I have zero patience left for it.
I wish we lived in a world of zero interest and murder rates.
Yet I’m tired of having a net worth of zero and zero in the bank.
I’m sick of feeling like I’m less than zero. I’m worn out by negativity.
I’m tired of the left, the right and everything in-between.
Tired of speaking my mind resulting in being shadow banned and being called mean.
Misogynistic? Why don’t you stop playing the victim and try being optimistic?
Some days I feel like there’s nothing left to say I haven’t already said.
It takes every ounce of strength within me just to make it out of bed.
What I need is a clean slate, a fresh start of sorts.
A new name, new number, new town and a new face to go with it.
I’m tired of starting over and it all ending the same anyway.