The Danger Of Recovering From Burnout
The deadline was yesterday. You aren’t ready yet. The managers are pressuring you. Everybody is stressed because their jobs are on the line. So you close your laptop and go home.
I’ve started this anonymous account as a means to share my frustration over my burnout with being a software developer. I ended up quitting that job without having any employment in sight. Luckily, shortly after I found a job so everything worked out.
This job is still software development.
My burnout started nearly four years ago when I realized the path I walk is not mine. Nonetheless, I joined the company I mentioned earlier as a means to continue my job as a software developer because I needed the money. We all need to pay the bills.
It was a bag of mixed feelings.
I was conflicted between still caring for the job because this is what I am good at, and dreaming of leaving software development altogether. Needless to say, I didn’t have my priorities yet set. It was completely normal.
You can’t expect a lost person to find his footing quickly.
It took me almost four years and a newer job to understand where I’m at. I am still working as a software developer, this time in a corporation. The job is slower and there are a lot more software developers for support. But I am no longer conflicted about my desires.
I’ve made up my mind.
I am using my job to pay the bills and keep my family afloat while I pursue my passions outside of work. It’s important to be true to yourself. By putting importance on my passion instead of my work I can see what’s in front of me clearly.
Work is no longer a priority for me.
I am aware of my day job and the amount of energy it draws from me. I say no to a lot of things and tread carefully so I won’t have obligations I don’t need. But it has consequences I haven’t foreseen.
I am indifferent.
If upcoming deadlines or unmet expectations would stress me in the past, it‘s no longer the case. I genuinely don’t care. Of course, some things still bother me at work.
We are all human after all.
But even those things that bother me get muted when I remind myself what truly matters.
It works great for preserving my energy throughout the day. By understanding work isn’t a priority for me anymore, I stress less and care less about things during my working hours. The result is a less tired mind at the end of the work day, ready to tackle what truly matters.
But people start noticing.
I have trained myself to look like a well-performing developer on the outside, but people still notice. My phone is free of work email, slack, or anything work-related. It means that once I close my laptop, I am truly disconnected. Many people will raise an eyebrow upon hearing this.
It also meant that there were already times when I was needed, but wasn’t available.
But here’s the thing the brainwashing workplaces won’t tell you. If you aren’t available on email or Slack or any communication app they use, there is an option everybody can use.
It’s called a phone call.
We feel pressured to be ever-present and always aware in case something happens. But in fact, half of the time it’s just nonsense that can be tackled the next day. Most of the messages I ever got when I was always connected were just a distraction.
There was already an emergency at work recently and I just closed my laptop for that day. I was working from home and my wife already arrived, so it was time for me to disconnect. My managers would look at me as if I’m some alien, leaving at such a critical time.
But I don’t tell them. If it’s important enough they will call.
And they did end up calling. So I got back to work. It’s one of the things I hate my job but it’s pretty rare for the company I work in. And nobody scolded me or told me I was wrong. They thanked me.
Define your baseline. Destroy the distractions. Don’t tell anybody.
But of course, the way I work starts to trigger my colleagues. They aren’t obvious about it but they notice the indifference I am caring with me. And I’m not sure if I can keep my disguise for long anymore.
It’s a sign that I have decided not to pursue my software development career anymore. I am certain and content with my decision and indifference. And now it’s just a matter of time until I am free from having to work as a software developer, or until my disguise fails me.
What’s your priority in life? If it’s to live happier and more fulfilled join my newsletter where I share unique tips about being more content with life without all the usual self-help crap you always hear:
And make sure to read the previous episode in the burnout series where I was free but sad:
