“I don’t care, I’ll just fucking kill myself and everyone will know it’s your fault” was the exact response I got when I told her I was leaving.
Though, even at age twenty, I saw the above statement for the manipulative, vindictive and attention seeking tactic it was — it still stopped me dead in my tracks. Mainly because she had proven herself capable of such erratic and extreme behavior. Our love and my childish like shenanigans perhaps left her temporarily insane. Or perhaps she was insane from the start and I’m the crazy one for never spotting it behind that beautiful face and smile.
Her other go-to move when I started to pack — literally get on her knees in front of the bedroom door, cry and beg me not to go.
That being said, I packed quite often and threatened to even more frequently.
What makes all this even crazier, is I wasn’t even a good boyfriend.
I tried to be, I wanted to be but was too into me. Too young, too dumb, too self-centered. And make no mistake about it, our fights and overall relationship made me as crazy as it did her.
Call it a love for the ages if you want, but truthfully it was one that would’ve likely left one of us institutionalized or dead had it continued on the same much longer. Though her temper was slightly worse and I usually kept the cooler head during fights — our actual break up drove me as crazy as the relationship made her at times.
I say at times because she wasn’t crazy, just crazy capable like we all are. Whether on the positive or negative, love can drive us to do crazy things. We will move across the country, quit our jobs, stop talking to friends, make friends with people we don’t like and go to events we hate — all in the name of love. The old cliche’ about professing our love for someone from the rooftops came from somewhere, some poor bastard in a place not too far from either of us actually did it. My only hope is they didn’t jump after.
Because love can also drive folks to smash windshields, key cars, show up at workplaces screaming like lunatics, and a lot worse, unfortunately. Because the reality is, as powerful as love can be, we’re all adults and there’s no excuse for such behavior. It may have been all the rage in high school but as adults, you go to jail for such stunts, as you should.
A close friend of mines five-year relationship just ended and neither party involved has taken it particularly well. I knew if the relationship ever ended it would be as bad as the end of my own I described above because it so much resembled that of my own. And unfortunately for them, it did end and I was right.
Punches have been thrown (by the girlfriend, thankfully), Cops have been called, suicide threats have been made, restraining orders have been suggested, binge drinking and missing days of work have been the unfortunate results— as I said, the breakup hasn’t been kind to either of them.
And they are us. We are them. Few people know how to healthily and happily navigate through love, relationships and the sometimes inevitable end of them better than the next person. We try — and sometimes it leaves us temporarily insane. Bouts of crazy and love go together like so many people who shouldn’t but try to anyway and end up paying for it dearly. It can take a toll on us not only emotionally but can at times mentally break us as well.
I’ve been there and back. You eventually have to figure out how to pick the pieces up and put them back together again. And sooner is always better than later. The trick is to always try and remain as calm and rational about every situation you face, in relationships and otherwise — though admittedly it’s easier said than done.
So if love has driven you crazy, just know it’s most likely only temporary and is also pretty common. You’re not alone and aren’t going through anything unique or particularly special. It comes with the territory, others have survived it and so will you. We all fly over the cuckoos nest once in a while and it’s so often in the name of love.