TAM Diaries
I Miss My Sister At Random Moments
On losing friends, and betraying family
Sometimes my mind wanders to lost friendships. A lifetime long passed, there is still so much I don’t understand. Every so often, the pain rips open like a fresh wound. My faults and inadequacies spill out, drowning me in guilt. I didn’t choose to push them away any more than I could choose to pull them back.
One of my deepest regrets has been never figuring out how to repair my relationship with my step-sister. We’ll call her Lindsey. She and I were nearly inseparable for the first five years of our parents’ union. We even slept in the same bed until high school. She was a huge influence in my decision to focus on socializing, and helped me make friends in her neighborhood.
Then, suddenly, something changed. Looking back, it seemed to begin when I got my first boyfriend. We started competing over our friends, an invisible tension weaving between us.
I was so clueless about it at the time. Lindsey would tell people I’d said something to turn them against me, and I cleaned up the mess. Sometimes it was based on truth, twisted to sound worse than I intended. That was fairly easy, as I struggled to communicate effectively. But most of the time, it was a complete lie. Something constructed to send…
