A Reckoning
I’m an independent journalist — my journalism and website have won awards — but I don’t sell advertising, I have no sponsors, there’s no paywall, no paid products or events and I don’t ask for donations. And that’s what led me to the Entrepreneurial Journalism Creators Program (EJCP) at the Craig Newmark Graduate School of Journalism at the City University of New York.
I wanted to learn how to monetize my journalism — to make it sustainable. That was my goal with the EJCP, but that’s not what happened. That’s not to say I didn’t learn how to monetize my journalism, because I did. That’s not to say we didn’t have great professors, as well as guest lecturers, mentors and so many incredible resources and tips given to us, because we did. But something else happened that I didn’t see coming. A reckoning.
First, some background — I spent over two decades working for others as a reporter and most of it as a freelancer. I took a sabbatical from my last employer in 2021 and never returned — this was, in large part, due to health reasons. Well before that, in 2014, I created my own website to share my work and I’ve continued to use it — while working for others, as well as on my own. Writing and photography are cathartic to me, and there’s a value there that can’t be measured.
I’ve been involved with the Military Veterans in Journalism (MVJ) organization for over a year. It was through MVJ that I received a full scholarship for EJCP. It was also through MVJ and its Speakers Program that I was trained on reporting about disability. It’s taken a long time to admit to myself and to others that I’m a disabled. I’m a veteran of the U.S. Navy. Some of my disabilities happened as a result my military service, some didn’t. Everyone has their own journey with disability. For me, acceptance of my disabilities has been a long road.
What I’ve learned from both MVJ and the EJCP is that I’m a journalist with disabilities who will continue to provide community-focused journalism at my own pace, with or without monetizing. Would more money be helpful? Absolutely, but not at the cost of my health. My disabilities are limiting. There’s only so much I can do, and pushing myself to do more isn’t good for my health and thus, not sustainable. I may add a donation link to my website. While I’m able to tell other people’s stories, I haven’t been great at telling my own. Because I didn’t recognize or didn’t want to recognize I had some problems, I ignored them. That wasn’t helpful.
What has been helpful are the changes I’ve been making over the past few years to better me and my life. EJCP was part of that. The course began in late March and ran through late June. During that period, the challenges of life continued. A divorce I asked for was finalized with the court April 3. On April 10, I went to New York City to be with my daughter as she was going through some challenges of her own. One week later, the parking garage in lower Manhattan, where I had just parked my car the week before, collapsed — one person was killed. The building was located directly next to my daughter’s dorm — she was one of seven students required to move to another dorm, by order of the New York City Department of Buildings. As it does, life continued to present challenges in the final weeks of EJCP ; there were times I felt like I was just trying to stay afloat.
EJCP gave me everything I needed to know and do to grow revenue, but there was something missing that I kept hoping would be discussed. As one expert after another spoke to our cohort about newsletters, podcasts, advertising, partnerships, sponsors, events, niche focus, artificial intelligence, profit and loss statements, value propositions, knowing our audiences and what they want, there was something missing. There was little to no discussion about life-work balance — nothing about burnout. While most refer to it as work-life balance, I don’t. I can’t. Life has to come first. We must be cognizant of burning out. It can happen in journalism as it can in all careers. Regardless of career choice, we must be cognizant of who we are and what we can do. We must be cognizant of our own health. Was learning to better balance life with work and not burning out something I needed but others didn’t? In our final presentations for the EJCP, I was glad to see I wasn’t the only one who talked about life-work balance — two of my fellow cohort members discussed burning out. These are conversations that can happen in classrooms and for entrepreneurs especially.
When we were told we would have to write about the program in a post on Medium, I was concerned about admitting some of this publicly. I raised my hand in our Zoom class and asked if it was necessary to put it on Medium. No, it wasn’t, but they prefer we do. I’ve now done that. As I’ve already indicated, writing is cathartic. EJCP taught this journalist I must be better at communicating to myself and others. I have to accept my limitations and my disabilities. The people I’ve met through this program are amazing — I’m so inspired by all of them, by the program itself and for the future of journalism. I’m grateful to both MVJ and CUNY for making it possible for me to attend. I learned so much — I learned way more about myself than I ever considered I would. It was a much-needed and long overdue reckoning.
