How Astrology Helps My Relationships

I went from feeling terrified of love to opening my heart.

Shannon Hugman
Oct 30, 2020 · 6 min read
Photo by Jorn Eriksen on Unsplash

Relationships have never been easy for me, including the one with myself. Low self-esteem, death, and endings taught me love led to loss. Discovering astrology set me on a journey of self-awareness. I began to see how fear was pushing me away from intimacy and hurting my relationships.

Astrology unveiled where my walls were up. It’s shown me my blind spots and allows me to understand my reactions. It creates space for me to understand myself, others, and how we interact with each other.

More Than Our Sun Sign

Astrology is about more than our Sun signs. We are all, all the signs. Although less discussed, where the Moon, Venus, Mars, Mercury etc is significant. Astrology encourages us to be ourselves while also becoming aware of our shadow sides.

It’s not that the planets are doing anything to us, but their light is flowing all around us. Think about the impact of a Sunny day or the real beauty of a Full Moon. The celestial bodies impact our experiences.

Astrology brings language to what often goes unsaid and we all know what’s unspoken in a relationship will fester.

When We Know Better, We Do Better

If we try to read a French book but don’t know the language, it won’t be easy. Each human has a unique way of existing; in a sense, we are each a language of our own. We all hold different meanings and significance. We have varying wisdom and proverbs to share.

It’s not always easy to understand each other. A relationship is a chance to meet halfway and create a life together. Astrology acts as a dictionary. It’s a way of translating the many facets of ourselves and communicating them to others.

Like a dictionary helps us pronounce words, astrology can help us express who we are in relationships.

The Venus Sign

Venus is the holy grail of relationships, according to astrology. Wherever Venus was when we were born, indicates how we relate. It’s how we give and how we receive it. These patterns play out concerning others because relationships are a significant way humans give and receive. Whatever sign Venus was in when we were born indicates the undertones of how we show up in relationships.

For example, I was born with Venus in Aquarius.

Aquarius is all about the bigger picture. It’s the greater good, the networks, and the collective. It’s the beehive that works together to achieve a common goal.

I have friends all over the world. I love to work in team settings and get incredibly excited when aligning with others who want to make an impact. As an astrologer, I talk to people all day long and love the feeling of connecting with others on a large scale. My favorite thing to do is be part of a crowd; I love the sensation of thousands of people moving to the same music.

However, Aquarius doesn’t like to get up close and personal. It’s the drone’s eye view, and it’s not comfortable opening up. It wants to keep things logical instead of emotional. It’s timid to losing itself in drama or intimacy.

I have never liked romantic relationships; in fact, they scare me. Intimacy is not comfortable for me. I prefer to keep my loves at arm’s length and focus on my life’s calling. But eventually, we all need that deeper connection.

My partner has Venus in Cancer.

Cancer’s energy is highly emotional, soft, and loving. It wants to nurture and care. It also wants others to do the same.

Throughout our ten-year relationship, there have been times when his gentleness and loving nature have felt suffocating to my far-out perspectives. There have been moments when my intimacy blocks have created a wedge within our relationship.

Thanks to astrology, I can see that I’m working through feeling safe in intimacy. To ensure my heart does not break, I keep my distance.

Conversely, he’s learning the power and importance of caring for himself first and foremost, instead of sacrificing for those he loves.

Now we know that purpose and passion are vital to me, whereas taking time for heartfelt, gentle moments is key to him. We meet in the middle. I take the time to close my screen and be with him. He makes sure to tell me how proud he is of my career success.

I’m sure we could have come to these conclusions without Astrol. Still, there was something refreshingly clear about understanding our Venus signs, noticing our patterns, and then connecting the dots.

Looking at ourselves through an astrological lens allows us to embrace who we are and create space for others to do the same.

Transits

When we become aware of how the planets are moving in real-time, we get an idea of the lessons, themes, and undercurrents occurring.

Again, it’s not that the planets are doing anything to us. We can choose to swim in any direction. We are fully capable of battling the current; however, if we know we’re swimming upstream, we have the option to choose differently.

The transits depict where the planets are now and during specific periods. We can imagine that their movements offer an invitation to flow with a stream, and when we know better, we do better.

Here’s an example. In the spring of 2017, there was a Venus retrograde. Remember, Venus is the planet of relationships, and a retrograde is a time of reviewing, reassessing, and making changes.

During that time, my partner and I opened up our relationship and bought our first home. Both these decisions brought a ton of change and felt overwhelming. We felt like something was shifting, but we didn’t know what. We just knew change was necessary.

Cue, understanding Venus retrograde. We had been together for seven years. While we loved each other, it was clear there were imbalances within our relationship. We gave one another space during the retrograde in 2017 and committed to a new way of life. Even though it hurt to grow, we ended up falling deeper in love.

If I had not known that period was a time of change in relationships, I probably would have lost all hope. My fears of intimacy and separation would have flooded in, and I bet I would have run. However, I decided to wait out the dash until the end of the retrograde.

Even though it was only six weeks, the shift from the start of the transit until the end was massive. I was glad I chose to face my fears and stay the course.

It’s not just retrogrades that can help us navigate life. Having an awareness of the Lunar cycle is a means of gauging our moods and emotions. For example, I know my energy is low during a New Moon, and I need space. I communicate that to him, and this has helped avoid some unnecessary fights.

There’s No Good or Bad

Often astrology gets reduced to good and evil, compatible or not, and I think there’s more to it than this. It’s not just black and white; it’s a whole lot of grey. There are infinite shades of grey, and astrology is a tool that has allowed me to tune into my unique hue.

Astrology helps me see myself and my partner in a grounded way, instead of getting heated and pulled into my opinions and judgments. Astrology is like an unbiased moderator who deescalates dynamics, instead of having two people debate back and forth.

Takeaway

I have worked with thousands of people who have benefitted from incorporating an astrological awareness into their relationships. It changed my life and gave me the courage to let love into my world. But, it doesn’t have to be for everyone.

If you are reading this and thinking it’s all a joke, that’s cool! We are entitled to our opinions and experiences. Astrology is not something to force upon another. But it’s a useful option for those who are willing to choose it.

Try it on, take a look at your Venus sign, read up on the characteristics, and see if it resonates.

Journey to Self

Inspiring stories mapping a journey to a better, wiser, healthier and more mindful self.

Shannon Hugman

Written by

Astrologer+Author of Analogies, Energies & Celestial Bodies. A millennial making sense of the Universe. www.shannonhugman.com/buy-the-book

Journey to Self

We map individuals’ journey of transformation to self-betterment and personal growth. Striving to inspire you to become a better, wiser, healthier and more mindful self. We also aim to support upcoming writers to grow into confident storytellers that master their craft.

Shannon Hugman

Written by

Astrologer+Author of Analogies, Energies & Celestial Bodies. A millennial making sense of the Universe. www.shannonhugman.com/buy-the-book

Journey to Self

We map individuals’ journey of transformation to self-betterment and personal growth. Striving to inspire you to become a better, wiser, healthier and more mindful self. We also aim to support upcoming writers to grow into confident storytellers that master their craft.

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