Toxic what?
The idea of “toxic masculinity” and “toxic femininity” is incredibly flawed.
There are only toxic men and toxic women.
Consider the following:
Imagine I’m drunk and I’m driving a car. You’re also drunk, and you’re riding a bicycle. How this same mental impairment effects our ability to operate our respective vehicles is going to be quite different, because the vehicles we are operating function differently. I’ll likely be driving much faster, and on a road of other cars. You’ll likely be moving much slower on a sidewalk. If I crash, the consequences are likely to be much more violent and damaging than if you crash. If I collide with someone, I’m much more likely to die or kill them than if you collide with someone. The consequences, if we fail to operate our own respective vehicles well, will be very different. My car isn’t flawed, nor is your bicycle, but we are, as we are both drunk.
Next, imagine we’re not drunk. I’m driving a car and you’re riding a bicycle, just like in the previous example, and the road we’re riding on is riddled with potholes and debris. How these potholes effects each of us will be very different! If I hit a pothole at 55 mph, I might lose a tire and that tire might kill someone, or my car might flip. You? You can avoid the debris and potholes easier, as your vehicle is more agile, and if you hit one, you might get seriously hurt (as you have no cabin protecting you) but your slower speeds and dexterity might save you.
Again, it’s not because my car or your bicycle is flawed they are working exactly as you’d expect. It’s because the environment is dangerous, and how we navigate that environment will depend on our vehicle. The decisions we each make in navigating our vehicles in this environment will be different, and the consequences of our mistakes will be different, too.
Men and women are quite different, too. A “toxic” man will use his masculinity (and femininity) in poor ways, and a “toxic” woman will use her femininity (and masculinity) in poor ways. The masculine and the feminine are not in themselves toxic, and it is not the masculine or the feminine that is toxic when they are being misused… (and I wish people would stop referring to it as such) — if anything, it is the men and women who are toxic. They are drunk, and they’re navigating treacherous territory, and they are crashing their vehicles, then blaming the vehicles.
This idea of “toxic masculinity” or “toxic femininity” is not only absolutely nonsensical to me, it is dangerous, as these are tools we do not choose. These are the tools we have, and they keep us moving. We don’t call our hands “toxic” when they hit someone. We blame the person who is responsible for that hand, and rightfully so.
Masculinity and femininity each has its strengths and weaknesses, and that’s ok, but an attack on either is an attack on its many drivers (good and bad), and frankly, a misdiagnosis of the issue at hand.
Strong men and strong women navigate their masculine and feminine just fine. It is weak men and weak women who are struggling, and use their vehicles in the most irresponsible ways. I think once we accept that, we can start addressing the real problem, which lies with the individuals, much more effectively.
