Confidence: Written by an Anxious Person
not a marathon, a sprint
My name is Jack Whitlock and I am not a confident person. I’ve struggled with anxiety all my life and I’m always worried that my personality is “too much” or that I’m getting annoying. I’m an enneagram type 7 wing 6 which helps me appear confident and carefree in front of others, but when the day is done I like to crash on the couch with “The Office”, “New Girl”, or “Friends.” I like to watch the same shows on repeat because I like to know what’s coming. I like to have my wife “tell me the day” and she will layout a plan for the whole day, so I know what to expect. With all this being said, I also enjoy trying new things and meeting new people. First impressions are everything, whether your meeting that match on tinder or meeting your boss’s boss, the impression you make will either put you on a pedestal or in a hole. I believe confidence is the biggest piece of that puzzle.
Confidence is a feeling.
Confident people aren’t sure of themselves 24/7. Happy go-lucky people aren’t jovial all the time. Sad people aren’t down in the dumps at every waking moment. Feelings are an emotional reaction to one’s circumstances. So, what is this enigmatic feeling of confidence and how do we capture it for when we need it? Most of the time we get feelings from external situations. For our purposes, we need to look inward and cultivate the feeling of confidence from within, unless any of us have the money to hire our own cheer squad. Here’s how I do it…
The Dwight Schrute Method: Sacred Song
Watch this clip of the office, The Office — Leave the keys (original). Although this is all a big joke in the show, this method is a great way to amp yourself up and feel unbeatable. Take a look at Micheal Phelps or any other swimmer in the Olympics, they use this same method. There are a few caveats to this, the first is that the song you pick needs to be sacred. By this, I mean it can’t be played unless you need to trigger the response coded to that song. It’s a “Pavlov’s Dogs” situation you set up for yourself. If you overplay the song, or “dry fire”, it lessens the power. This would be playing the song and then doing something that doesn’t require confidence. Finding your song can take some time, again, you don’t want this song to be played unless it’s time to be the confident version of yourself. Don’t pick a song that gets played in public or one that your friends or families play all the time. This song is yours and yours alone. I use “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns n’ Roses and “Test Drive” by John Powell from How to Train your Dragon. Welcome to the jungle has alot going on, the guitar sounds like a combat scene in a movie, it fires up your brain, it has a fast tempo, it feels good to be able to sing all the words to a song, it makes you feel like you are prepared and ready for whatever comes next. “Test Drive” just makes you feel like you’re on fire, like you licked a car battery! Time to take off and be invincible.
The Pam Beesly Method: Forward Momentum
Remember when Pam does the coal walk at Beach Day? After the coal walk, she goes and has the confidence to tell Jim how she really feels. What is this method though? How can we do a coal walk right before a performance review or a big interview? It’s based in physics, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. Pam prepared herself for her speech by getting in motion both physically and mentally. She started with being confident about something small, something that was insignificant, the coal walk. By completing the first scary task, it gave her the momentum to complete the second scary task, telling Jim how she feels. How can we apply this practically? Maybe we can ask that pretty girl for her number, solve a Rubik's cube really fast, do 15 push ups, run up and down the street a few times. Do some activity that works your brain and body, something that makes you feel smart and grows your self worth. Start some momentum before it counts.
Confidence is not being aware that you are good at your field. Confidence is not being sure in your knowledge of something. Confidence is not narcissism or the stroking of your own ego. Confidence is having an internalized awareness of self worth and personality strengths. Confidence is standing on your beliefs and being unafraid of the consequences that come from them. Confidence is squaring your shoulders and keeping your eyes away from the ground. But remember, confidence is also humble and quiet, waiting for others’ ideas to be fully formed and understood before response or rebuttal. Why are these delineations important? Because I don’t want to help you become a jerk. Confidence is a powerful tool and it can open plenty of doors, but if you use it incorrectly, nothing will screw up your opportunities faster.
