My Greatest Achievement
Happy Valentines Day, Damaria!
It’s Valentine’s Day. The holiday of love and romanticism. I have been inundated, the past year, by people who aren’t actively loving and appreciating their significant others. This has frustrated me to no end. So as an act of appreciation and rebellion from the mainstream, I am going to write about the effect my wife, Damaira, has had on my life, why I love her, and how I see her loving me every day.
I titled this article “My Greatest Achievement,” and that’s true, Marrying and loving my wife is the thing I am most proud of myself for. I have climbed 7 mountains, ran 4 half marathons, traveled the globe, barefoot water skied, become an Eagle Scout, restored a car from the 70’s, and camped in below 0 degree weather. Getting to love Damaria is cooler and more rewarding than all of that.
Damaria and I were in the same kindergarten class, I was very into star wars and marble tracks. Who cares about girls when you have those?
In first grade we launched a rocket together, I don’t remember much but I do have this picture. She had fallen off the monkey bars. I was disappointed the rocket didn’t make it to the Death Star.
Time passed words were said, including my mom asking if I liked her and me promptly responding “ew no she’s bossy.”
A Good Reason for Believing in God
Sophomore year rolled around, Damaria and I weren’t really friends, nothing happened, but it was a big enough grade that we just didn’t interact much. I had just gotten out of a pretty terrible freshman fling that I took way too seriously. So after learning “Dust in the Wind” on guitar and being sad for a week, I’m not much for grief, I prayed a simple prayer.
“God, I’m not going to date anyone else until college, if there is someone I need to meet in high school, she will have to approach me and you better give me a stupidly obvious sign.”
God loves an ultimatum. Not a month after, Damaria started wandering my way in photography class, and then again in study hall. The sign from God? Damaria was one of the shyest people in our grade. It was completely out of left field for her to chat me up, but here we were.
Anyway, we went to our winter dance together and put labels on it soon after, the rest is history. We both went to Purdue and got married in 2021. It wasn’t without tribulations, but the ROI is infinite.
Damaria
I’m not going to try to sum up a person in a Medium article, what an injustice, but I will try to eloquently describe my amazing wife and a few of the many reasons I’m in love with her.
I’ve said before in an article that my wife is wickedly smart and endlessly patient. I’ve also said that those are some unstoppable qualities to combine, and I think that is one of the first things I can talk about. Damaria is unstoppable.
Forces of nature are usually loud and intimidating, we get weather notifications and sirens to prepare for what is headed our way, well if most people who are unstoppable are like a sledgehammer, Damaria is a scalpel.
She relies on her patience and wit to impact and engage with others. She waits and listens to you and your opinion or problem, letting you yap on and on. Just when you think you have an impenetrable defense, or an unsolvable problem, she comes in with a quick simple question or suggestion and shows you just how fragile your stance is.
Her wisdom has yet to be paralleled. No matter how caught in the weeds or entrenched in an opinion I get she can rise above and make an even keeled decision that benefits all.
Her work ethic is another key aspect of being unstoppable. “Good enough” is not in her vocabulary, not when it comes to the service of others. She believes everyone she comes in contact with deserves her best, and it doesn’t matter the obstacles in the way, she will give it to them.
She’s not a people pleaser, she just wants the best. Period. It’s amazing to watch her plan activities for her students, getting things just right for optimum success. She has a drive to always improve, as a teacher, a wife, and a friend.
“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” -George Bernard Shaw
She is the unreasonable man, her determination and vim forces all those around her to adapt, and become better.
Making Me Better
What is a spouse? What defines a good partner? I believe your spouse has to both love and expect things from you. Damaria loves me, she forgives me when I am wrong and wants the best for me over her own needs.
I think where many partners can fall short is not expecting more from their partner. It’s not a bargain, “I give you love in exchange for your best work and energy” no it’s both. “I love you, and I want you to be the best you can be.” Damaria understands that, she picks me up when I’m down and pushes me forward as I grow. She sees me as a better man than I am, and I will always be in pursuit of becoming that for her.
Loyalty
Loyalty is a hot commodity these days, but damaria has built her support system with loyalty as its cornerstone. And as she receives loyalty so she gives it out, she has shown me time and again of her loyalty and belief in me, my choices, and hopes for the future.
She has stood by me in agreement and opposition, she has defended me when she could get hurt by doing so. She is my first confidant and my last line of defense. I have never once questioned her loyalty. What a sense of calm.
Full Love
Damaria is an amazing wife. She loves me in a way that makes me feel fully at peace and accepted. When I’m struggling and not at my best, she is there, accepting me and willing to sit in the pain with me. When I’m at my best she celebrates with me. Being a shoulder to cry on and a cheerleader is a wide range of skills, but she has them.
Baby I love you, Loving you is, and will always be, the most important thing I can ever do on this earth. Thank you for being my confidant. Thank you for making me laugh; and thank you for your wisdom.
