One Question: To Know if a Relationship Will Last
Please do not use this information to insert yourself into other peoples relationships, couples can find that annoying.
Personal History
I have been in 2 romantic relationships. The first was from age 15 to age 15 and a half. It was a pretty weird/bad relationship, she cheated, we didn’t click but a girl had a crush on me, so of course being a fifteen year old boy; I wanted a girlfriend. After that I was pretty hurt so I swore off girls until college. I told God that I wasn’t going to seek anyone out, so if there was someone I needed to meet before then, she would have to come to me, with a skywriter in tow saying “DATE ME.” So then I turned 16 and my very pretty very shy wife decided to be outgoing and talk to me unprompted, I changed my mind. We’ve been together for 8 years and married for 2.
From this many people have had the opportunity to watch us interact with each other and act as a couple, and many of our friends have turned to us for relationship advice and counseling. Due to this fact Damaria and I have broken up alot of couples that we genuinely enjoyed having around. it sucks to do but, we didn’t want them to break up when the stakes got higher. So we gave them the most brutal advice we had early on.
Advice
Relationships are work, they take work, they are never going to be an easy coast into a happily ever after. Cruise control isn’t an option in romance, you both need to be hitting the gas. With that being said we need to make sure that the work you are doing in your relationship is rewarding and fulfilling.
Does your partner give you energy?
Just one simple question. Now most of the time this question requires some explaining but it’s still just a yes or no. If you are looking for a long term happy committed relationship then I encourage you to focus on that question when vetting potential prospects.
Think about the last few times you spent quality time with your current partner, and then think about what you did, and how you felt directly after interacting with them. Did you feel like you needed to decompress and focus on self care? Did you feel like you needed to do a comforting activity? I’m sorry to say but those aren’t good signs. When you are done hanging out with that person you should be coming off the high of being with them! Now of course this doesn’t apply to the first few dates. Everybody is gonna be tired after that. To answer this question the relationship needs to be at least a month or two old. I’m talking about after dates like going and seeing a movie or ordering in Indian food then watching tv at home. If you’re tired after a “hang out” date then look out. A long term relationship is work, but we need to make sure that it’s work that you enjoy doing and find fulfilling.
Life these days is confusing and stressful enough, don’t make it harder by working a second job as your partner’s battery. You need a perpetual motion relationship, the energy needs to come from both of your personalities being together.
Caveats
Don’t read this article and think that I believe that all relationships need an exact balance of work but into it from both sides, while that’s helpful, it’s far from a large contributing factor, this article is about being able to look past the things you see and hear and looking into how the person makes you feel deep down, you could have the hardest working partner in the world, always writing you love letters and doing acts of affection, but if the vibes are off and you are losing energy then that is a sign of a larger problem.
Answering this question honestly is difficult, it’s either going to bring you great comfort or great stress. It’s also important to remember, people can change. This question obviously does not apply if you or your partner is going through some sort of negative life experience, or trauma. I started this article saying that the first relationship I was in was horrible, but if I didn’t go through that negative experience then I wouldn’t have been in the right spot, mentally or spiritually, to meet my wife when I did.
