Some of us may be aware of the thoughts or specific thought that comes into our head when we are tempted to try something new or work towards reaching our full potential.
“I can’t do that. I’m not good enough. I’m stupid.” (Whatever negative belief it may be)
In school, I learnt and focused a lot of the information I was receiving on how it applied to my life. The game changer for myself was learning about the “thing” or in other terms, false core beliefs.
These beliefs if left unidentified or unchallenged can rule our existence. Some individuals will be better at dealing with or ignoring them than others, but if we don’t take that active role in working through them they can wreak havoc on our lives in one way or another.
SO WHAT ARE FALSE CORE BELIEFS?
Often these beliefs are formed at a young age through an experience we encountered and perceived the information to be true about who we are as an individual. These moments can be spoken or unspoken to us and from that we latch on to them, and make it personal.
In What are you waiting for by Kristen Moeller she explains this process as “small things can set us off — tiny incidents that matter to no one else but loom large in our minds. We latch onto them, magnify them, and they become indelible, forming who we become. Even though these events may have occurred long ago, we get messages, learn lessons, and make decisions that impact our feelings, thinking, and behavior. When we make these formative decisions, we are not always aware that we are altering the course of our lives.”
When I was seven years old a neighbourhood friend told me that I was bad at telling stories. I took this one instance and reinforced it with other situations in my life to tell myself I am not good enough and not I am not a storyteller. I continued to reinforce these thoughts when I struggled with reading and writing as a child and was taken out of class for additional help. Instead of that situation being a learning moment, I looked upon myself with shame. I hated reading (especially aloud). In later years, when classmates and I had to read a paragraph each in front of the class I would try to count what paragraph I would be reading and practice it in my head before it was my turn, in hopes of somehow not messing it up. When it was my turn my core temperature would rise, my face would go red, I would stumble and stutter over my words and try to black out the whole experience; all along with the ongoing underlying belief of not being good enough.
If there were moments in my life where I thought I would make a fool of myself or not do good enough; I just wouldn’t do it. I quit every sport and activity that I was in because I wasn’t good enough (or so I believed). My parents at the time were very busy taking care of my oldest sister (as she struggled with a severe eating disorder) so instead of fighting another battle with another child they allowed me to quit. By no means do I blame them for that, but that is just the way things happened. From those experiences I reinforced those thoughts even further.
“Sometimes the most dangerous thing for kids is the silence that allows them to construct their own stories — stories that almost always cast them alone and unworthy of love and belonging.” –Brené Brown
What a shit storm I was in.
For years I struggled with self-hatred and self-defeating thoughts.
But here’s the thing: I learnt my way out! I acknowledged them and worked on them everyday by replacing them with positive self-talk.
I know now more than anything, that if you work at it, you will change. You will reach goals and new heights. But first you must acknowledge and work on your “thing”.
Yes we will have barriers and struggles that we cannot predict or change in our lives, but when we start doing the work in our own head, we can and will overcome anything.
“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” — Bryon Katie
Closing reflection/ homework:
Ask yourself (and write it out):
- How am I holding myself back?
2. Where does this come from?
3. Identify them.
4. Are these thoughts really true? When have I been able to beat or challenge these thoughts?
Now here’s the not so fun part (if these thoughts are really engrained).
Swap them. For whatever negative belief you have. Switch it to a POSITIVE.
I have had people become very angry with me on this one because they tell me they can’t because it’s not true and they don’t believe it.
Correction, here is the thing… It is not true or you don’t believe it to be true yet!
Well of course you don’t you believe it; you have been feeding yourself that shit sandwich of false beliefs for years! It is going to take time, but if you take the time and put as much time in as you have been reinforcing the negative, the positive will become your new reality.
So.
- What is your positive to that negative belief?
2. When has this positive belief been proven in my life? What success have I had?
3. In what ways will I acknowledge this positive belief in my day-to-day life?
And last, but not least…PRACTICE!
