Determining Your “Why”

We try to do things that we have heard are good for us, or that we think will make us a “good human” but if we don’t have a strong personal “why” we are not going to succeed in these things.

I used to hate going to the gym.

So I didn’t go.

I have been a professional performer since I was 19 years old. So that means, for all intents and purposes, my body is my whole career.

I would just jump onto the stage and do my show.

Sometimes this show involved dropping into the splits six times a day. Sometimes it meant moving my entire body and hips around and around in sand and water. I would just get on the stage and do the thing and not go to the gym and not warm up like I knew I should. I heard that I should be warming up and working out all the time… in school, from friends, directors, choreographers. I KNEW what I SHOULD be doing… but I didn’t do it.

I go to the gym now. I still hate going. But I go now.

I want to take a moment here and share that I am not just writing this blog to tell you about the importance of warming up before doing a highly active musical number.

I am drawing a connection from my own experience to explain how important it is to know what your “Why” is. I wasn’t going to the gym because I hadn’t yet found a reason that Miki felt she needed to go to the gym; and because of this, I couldn’t find the motivation to go. No matter how hard I tried. I would do it for a day or two and then I would fall off of the wagon.

I know this sounds familiar to you because we do this all the time in our adult lives. We try to do things that we have heard are good for us, or that we think will make us a “good human” but if we don’t have a strong personal “why” we are not going to succeed in these things.

At the end of the day, the only person that can hold us accountable is ourselves. You can’t run away from yourself.

Determining your why also comes in handy when you want to achieve a big goal in your life but you feel like that goal is “unrealistic” or “unattainable”.

* Side note: I would like to say that I HATE the word “unrealistic”. This word is often used in a way that is ENTIRELY subjective and usually has an undertone of limiting self-talk and beliefs. Okay, that’s all…let’s keep going.*

These big goals can manifest in your head as “ dream world goals” or “ if everything was perfect and I could do anything in the world, this is what I would do.” It’s not helpful to frame your goals this way. If this goal is something that you truly want to attain, you have to be able to envision yourself in that place…in that job; and when you put on the pressure of, “ everything has to be perfect for me to be successful.” You are setting yourself up for failure because you are focusing on things that are out of your control, and when you do that you are creating a crutch for yourself that you will never be able to get rid of.

Many times when we feel discouraged about setting goals for ourselves, it is because of outside influences telling us how hard it is going to be. You may think that if no one has ever said the specific words “ you can’t do that” then you are in the clear of outside negative discouragement.

BUT FEAR NOT!

You have probably still been discouraged.

Here’s an example of how we can develop negative self-talk and limiting beliefs without direct verbal antagonism.

You are a child and your mom’s friend wants to own her own business. She has ended up getting involved with a pyramid scheme instead. Your mom talks about her all the time and about how most small businesses fail, and how she should have just stayed at the 9–5 job that she had before starting this new endeavor. You are young…you don’t know the ins and outs of everything… you just know that your mom’s friend used to have a job that your mom thinks was better than what she is doing now and that she is always trying to get your mom to buy face wash.

PAUSE

As a child, you don’t understand what is happening.

To you, none of this matters. You continue with your day…it doesn’t affect your life.

You move on…but your subconscious does not! Your subconscious is taking notes…and because you weren’t mature enough to fully think this out and find the pros and cons of the situation, your subconscious now believes that quitting your job and doing something that you want to do is a bad idea and that you will fail… even though your mother never looked at you and told you that you are going to fail.

Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs can come to light in many ways…like into a job that doesn’t have a high success rate, choosing a college major that is artistic, going to college at all, or just generally stepping out of your comfort zone.

When you determine your “Why” you decide what is important to you and then you can freely allow yourself to decide whether or not you think you will succeed.

If you don’t have a “Why” you are just operating from a place of learned behaviors and negative expected outcomes that your subconscious has cooked up without your permission.

Instead of taking the easy road of “playing it safe”, set aside a moment of self-care and discover your “Why.”

You’ll thank me later.

Originally published at https://citscoaching.com on October 5, 2020.