Free Your Mind by Accepting Uncertainty
Research and reasons explaining why you should embrace the unknown.
The past few nights, I’ve spent at least thirty minutes stargazing (a rare statement in today’s chaotic world).
I started implementing this nightly ritual after noticing the lack of stillness we have in our lives.
We’re always going. Always moving. Always doing. And when we’re not going, moving or doing, we’re often scrolling, watching or consuming. We rarely, if ever, give ourselves time to sit and ponder.
The point of this article is not to encourage you to stare in wonder at the night sky. (Although I don’t see why not?)
Nor is it to encourage you to quiet your logical mind and allow your subconscious to run free. (Although I also don’t see why not?)
But, no.
The point of today’s article is to inspire you to start embracing uncertainty. To show you how doing so will improve your life. And to tell you the tale of how I came to this realization in the first place.
Let’s start with the latter.
It was a crystal clear night in Arizona. The air warm and the sky pristine. No different than most. And there I was. Feet stretched out in front of me, head tilted back, lounging on the outdoor sofa in a trance-like state, hypnotized by the stars flickering like diamonds in the desert sky.
As I got lost in wonder, it dawned on me how little we know about this sea of stars that is our universe. Yet, in spite of that, the uncertainty is not a cause for concern. It does not consume our minds for days with unease. In fact, the very opposite. There’s peace in this unknown. An unspoken trust that everything is working as it should.
It was in this moment I decided it’s time to apply this same unwavering trust to my own life. To accept uncertainty and embrace the unknown.
As I did this, I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom wash over me. I have always been a free spirit, but this feeling was more than that.
This feeling was a deep inner peace. A result of being content with life exactly as it is.
That’s why I believe when one embraces the uncertainties of life they will feel more free, present, and empowered.
Of course, this is just my opinion.
We’ll call it my Acceptance of Uncertainty Theory.
So, if you find your wheels keep spinning, continually wondering what the future will hold. Planning and plotting to make things happen and not trusting of how things will unfold.
I want to get you to a place of accepting uncertainty.
I want you to trust that when you’re meant to know, you’ll know.
I want you to trust what is meant to happen will happen.
And I want you to trust what’s needed of you in this world will be shown.
So, in hopes of bringing you with me on this one. In hopes of us both stepping boldly into the unknown, I have come up with three reasons why you should let go of control.
Those three reasons are listed below.
#1. To Stop Wasting Your Time
In psychology, there’s fascinating research around a concept known as affective forecasting.
It’s, in some ways, an umbrella to many other findings/theories. Some of which include: the hedonic treadmill, impact bias, durability bias, focalism, immune neglect, and motivated distortions.
To keep things short, I won’t go into all of that today.
(Plus, I’m trying to keep my fellow psychology nerds interested, so I can’t give it all away!)
Bringing it back to the point, as James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, explains:
“Affective forecasting is a social psychology phenomenon that refers to our generally terrible ability as humans to predict our future emotional states.”
So, for the sake of this article, what does this tell us?
That (basically) how you think you’ll feel in the future (to what degree and for how long) is most likely wrong.
Here are two examples that very simplistically reflect a few of the different reasons for why this is so.
Example one:
You expect to be happy and have fewer worries once you get promoted because you believe you’ll have more freedom (in both decisions and finances).
However, the day following your promotion, a massive project unexpectedly falls on your desk, and you no longer have the option to celebrate, delegate, OR take that luxurious vacation you were planning.
Example two:
Your company is going through layoffs and you expect you’ll be devastated if you get let go.
However, even though you’re let go, your wife receives a significant promotion at the same time.
Because of that, she is now encouraging you to pursue that long-forgotten dream you used to chase.
Now, I know you may be thinking, “thanks for the research, but what’s the takeaway?”
The takeaway is that you’re wasting your time and energy trying to predict your future state-of-being, because (proven by science) you have a higher chance of being wrong than right.
So, free your mind and stop trying.
#2. To Benefit the Wellbeing of Your Future Self
The truth is that life doesn’t always go as planned.
So, unfortunately, having a specific destination you plan to get to in the future can (very realistically) lead to disappointment. It’s not that you shouldn’t have dreams. It’s that you should also accept that unexpected things can happen. By doing so, you can avoid feeling like you’re not where you thought you “should be” or “would be.”
I know this because I work with a lot of my clients on letting go of guilt or shame from self-imposed “shoulds.”
Women, in particular, hold themselves to a strict timeline that’s heavily influenced by family, friends, and societal norms/expectations.
Life doesn’t always go as planned. And just because it turns out differently than you expected, doesn’t mean you can’t love what is.
I am passionate about this topic because I am a “thirty-something single, not married, and without kids,” and I LOVE where I’m at.
But, in contrast, I know others in a similar situation who feel awful about themselves for being single.
This is what Christine Hassler refers to as an “expectation hangover.”
Therefore, please please please be cautious when creating clear expectations for the future.
Again, I’m not saying, “don’t dream.” I’m saying, don’t “should” all over yourself.
#3. To Free Your Mind & Start Living in the Now
There will always be decisions ahead and a future we can attempt to predict.
If you learn to accept that life’s journey will unravel in very unpredictable ways, you can free your mind from all the planning and plotting.
And, when you free up space in your mind, you make room for new and creative ideas to enter.
Plus, ironically, if you’re always trying to make sure your future self will be happy, you miss out on making your current self happy.
Stealing a line from one of my favorite movies, The Switch, “LIFE IS IN SESSION!”
Therefore, stop spending so much time in your head, trying to control what’s next in your life.
Like I mentioned earlier, you’re most likely wrong in your predictions anyway.
So, with all of this said and done, I hope you take a step back. Notice the world around you for a second. Stop dwelling over the future. Give your present self a chance to breathe and your inner free spirit a chance to walk life’s path.
Because, after all, you can’t predict every little thing you’ll see on your journey through a place you’ve never been to before.
Therefore . . .
Travel without an itinerary.
See where your journey leads.
Let go of the need for certainty.
Free your mind and let it be.
