How To Let Go Of Being Right
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” -Friedrich Nietzsch
Judgement is a form of delusion. It’s about the story the person is telling themselves more so than the person, thing, or event they’re judging. Isn’t judgement just another form of striving for perfection? Isn’t judging and striving for perfection similar to the need to be right? The delusional idea that there’s a perfectly right answer? I always give the caveat when giving any type of advice related to my own story that “while this may have worked for me everyone is different and what’s right for me may not necessarily be what’s right for you.”
So, what would happen if we let go of the need to be right? What if we realized the freedom and serenity created when we’re less obsessed with the right answer and more focused on the process? Our relationships would become less about ego, more about showing up, and conflict would most certainly decrease by default. We’d begin to adopt a feeling of inner peace, surrendering control of the unknown and flowing into an uncertain sea of infinite possibilities.
Can you imagine how many arguments would be avoided if everyone accepted the fact that we’re all unique, talented, and beautiful individuals who’s needs are entirely different? The lens through which we see the world is entirely conditioned by our experiences; therefore, what’s right for me and what I perceive to be “right” is almost certainly going to differ for others.
When I’m surrounded by like minded people, I’ve found it’s because we agree on the process, not the end all be all answer- if one even were to exist. We recognize the unique individuality in each human and celebrate it.
As coaches, we adopt the notion, that while we have questions, are clients always have the answers that are “right” for them. It empowers the individual to seek and find their own answers, while releasing the burden or expectation that there’s a “right” way to coach. We adopt the philosophy that “you cannot say the right thing to the wrong person, and the wrong thing to the right person” because some people are a fantastic match while others are not, and therefore there is no right or wrong way.
As a coach, I have to let go of being right; because if I concentrate on being right the session becomes about me and my ego, and the client deserves it to be about them. To let go of being right means to let go of your ego. To recognize you’re a life long learner and, while you may know some things, you’ll never know it all. It makes you more curious, teachable, and adaptable.
If you are focused on being right you limit yourself. You become more rigid, easier to break, less likely to flow like water. I want to flow. I want to be water. I want to adopt a feeling of inner peace, surrender control of the unknown, and flow into an uncertain sea of infinite possibilities. I want to be less concerned with what’s right or what’s wrong and the judgement attached to it, and more curious about asking questions.
Did you know you cannot be both simultaneously curious and judgmental? Which, if we break it down, means I can’t be judging you for being right or wrong while also being curious about you? And I can’t be empathize with you if I’m judging you. So, I’d just rather not do it. I’d rather give you a big squeeze and ask you, “What’s going well for you?” and “how can I help?”; while kicking judgement, shame, and perfectionism to the curb.
There’s no space for me to be concerned with if you’re right or wrong, if my main goal and purpose is to understand you better so I can help you. Right and wrong belongs in math equations, not social exchanges. The freedom to express oneself without being judged for being right or wrong is a liberty we should all have.
So, how do we let go of being right? We show up curious. With empathy. With less judgement. More Kindness. More compassion. We start with ourselves. We start by tuning into our own internal dialogue and making sure we’re not holding ourselves to ideals of perfectionism and this ridiculous need to believe that there’s a right or a wrong path.
Our lives have multiple trajectories based on our choice and it’s up to you to decide to be the captain of your own ship. You are the empowered individual who gets to find your inner compass and true north, and you get to decide which way the wind blows you. If we treat ourselves that way, and we see others as mirrors, we’ll most certainly be more capable of treating the outside world through a less judgmental lens.
Change always starts with ourselves first. So I have to ask you; can you surrender the need to be right?
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