My Journey Towards Gratitude
It’s different than you may think.
Gratitude used to be something I wasn’t very good at. I’d always heard how being grateful could enhance your life and bring you more joy.
There’s science behind the practice of positive psychology and how things like complaining can negatively affect your IQ and memory. Years ago, while on my self-love and wellness journey, I remember a therapist wanting me to keep a gratitude journal.
It felt forced and fake.
Everything I wrote down didn’t stick. I would repeat myself- mostly listing things I felt I should feel grateful for and wanted to feel that way towards but didn’t. I had a hole in my heart, and I couldn’t feel gratitude when I was so focused on what I was struggling with.
For me, it came down to, first needing validation, then practicing gratitude. I needed to heal and feel loved and listened to. I needed to process the things I’d experienced and the genuine ways I felt towards those experiences.
I know for me there were steps I needed to take first, before I’d be able to obtain what I wanted, and moving outside those steps didn’t help me.
Whenever someone is suffering, first they need validation that what they’re experiencing is the truth and painful. When you know that, and nobody is trying to invalidate you, then you can heal and move on to the next steps but not before.
Now that I’m no longer in that raw pain, I can feel gratitude, and I believe I feel it more each day. Doing volunteer work was incredibly eye-opening and I think it’s a fantastic way to learn gratitude. When you deal with people or any less fortunate situation, you can see what you do have. I may not be in the best position, but I have food, water, a roof over my head, a shower to clean myself in, hygiene products, a bed, a blanket.
I was going through a hard time when my mother was sick and dying from terminal cancer, and I remember walking home from work. I didn’t live in the nicest area, but I didn’t mind it. A woman came up to me and asked me what was wrong. I just started to cry, and she hugged me, and we talked. She took off her bracelet and handed it to me. I was in shock, and I knew she probably didn’t have much. I knew she either lived on the street or in a shelter or low-income housing. She told me she grew up in the area, her mother was addicted to drugs and overdosed, and she held her when she died. She also told me she did the same for her best friend. She said she doesn’t touch drugs, but I can see her life had been affected by the circumstances she was born into. I’ve seen such kindness from people who had nothing. And while there are always going to be people better off than me, if I focus on what I don’t have, I end up miserable and lose sight of what I do.
I’ve been trying to practice gratitude lately, and part of that is also speaking out loud for me. If I’m just in my head, it can get muddled up in there, but when I speak the words and hear the words it resonates in a way that makes me pause in life.
I’m not perfect when it comes to gratitude, and some days are better than others. Practice and flexing that muscle helps. You can suffer, and you can feel grateful.
Some things I’ve been trying to write out are, Who am I grateful for in my life? What brought me joy today?
If there is someone who has helped you, write them a letter and maybe even give it to them.
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