Pure Nectar — A Series from the SHFT Catalysts — Thoughts from Melissa Drake

Nectar was a foreign concept to me for most of my life. John Kim describes nectar as things that bring you joy. I did not know joy for most of my life, as I spent most of my life depressed and in bed, mostly numb — unconscious, suppressed and repressed. That’s no way to live.

The first things that brought me nectar were quite simple, actually.

• The ability to get out of bed.
• The desire to shower, brush my teeth and wash my hair on a daily basis.
• Cutting my hair for the first time after four years. Simple grooming of myself I had ignored for so much time after losing both of my parents in 11 months time.
• Cooking for my son and his tribe of friends.
• Watching my son and his friends play high school sports and dominate on the field and the wrestling mat.
• Listening to music.
• The ability to invite people into my home because it wasn’t overcrowded with a mess. Or later, not caring if my house was a mess and inviting people over anyway.
• The ability to keep up with my laundry after my sister took me to the laundromat in a trip that saved my life.

They say that therapy takes you from a place of desperation to stability and the original nectar for me certainly reflected that.

Coaching with Noelle helped me get from stability to flourishing. From there, my nectar was more exciting as I explored different parts of my life and “tried on” new adventures.

• Last summer, I worked with a dear friend to clear clutter from my house. My physical state is a reflection of my mind, and when it’s messy it’s a visual sign of where my head is. When I was depressed, I went for MONTHS without ever opening my mail. In fact, in all honesty, there’s still some unopened mail in the recesses of my porch that hasn’t been cleared out yet. I am a work in progress — as we all are.
• The first and most exciting nectar for me was dancing. I didn’t realize until recently that dancing has been a way for me to stay “grounded” in my body. As someone who has always “numbed out,” dancing requires that I stay present. Particularly when I don’t require “liquid courage” to do so. While I do dance around my home, there’s something special about the energy of being on the dance floor — even if I’m the only one on the dance floor.
• Taking dance lessons with a lover, now that’s cool!
• As a sexologist, Noelle helped me to learn different things about my body and encouraged me to explore my sexuality in a way that I hadn’t before. This helped me to banish the shame that previously surrounded me and led me to my first yoni massage which was extremely healing in so many ways.
• I used to not sleep because I was so anxious and worried, depressed or stressed about my work. Now, I no longer sleep because I’m so passionate about my work and I stay up all night working. While I sometimes miss the sleep, I’ll take passion over angst every day.
• I get so much joy watching my son flourish as an adult and having adult conversations with him. Seems like we are always laughing, joking and poking fun at one another.
• While I loved my empty nest, and my empty nest is what kick started my Brilliant Transformation, I truly am having a great time having my son at home once again.
• The other day I got a text from a friend who ran into my son at his job. She wanted to let me know how proud my son was of me. It’s cool when my son tells me directly he’s proud of me, but when he tells others … wow!
• Feeling the wind in your hair. A couple of weeks ago, I went on a date and felt the wind in my hair in the three ways I hadn’t experienced in forever. A motorcycle ride, a walk and swinging on swings. How cool is that? (I know, we should have had helmets on.)
• Camping. Or, I should say “glamping” because I require a bathroom and heat/air? While I haven’t done it in years, the smell of a campfire is one of my favorite smells ever.
• The ocean. Specifically, Venice beach is my favorite place to stroll, watch the people and chat.
• This summer, I had the adventure of a lifetime when I tool an Epic, Solo Road Trip and traveled from the Midwest to California and back. I met with several SHFTers along the way and literally made some lifetime connections with complete strangers. They say your vibe attracts your tribe, and there’s something about California for me. I love the vibe there and I connected with so many awesome people.
• The kindness of strangers and the ability to receive. I’ve received some fabulous gifts lately, that literally came out of nowhere, included a sacred second yoni massage from a gifted healer that has been transformational for me.
• The kindness of friends and again the ability to receive, which has been hard for me. I’ve been gifted with travel, accommodations, meals, coaching, a car to use and more. I’m eternally grateful.
• Snuggle time. I love cuddling. It’s so awesome to fall asleep in the arms of someone you love. Wake up, make love, fall asleep again, eat, sleep, make love, repeat. Repeat again. And again, just for fun:)

Life is so much better when with nectar than without. Joy is a beautiful thing. I’ve found that when you choose joy, it chases you. We deserve joy. It’s ours for the taking.

Life is better when you actually live it.

Let’s dance with joy and reckless abandon.