The Surprising Antidote to My Anxiety and Panic Attacks
An unexpected discovery in the dentist’s chair.
I learned the principle of gratitude while in recovery. It was easy to feel grateful after going from the complete darkness of my active addiction into the light of recovery. And although I’ve been practicing this principle for the past 15 years, I didn’t realize how powerful it is until recently.
I was sitting in the dentist’s chair yesterday, not my favorite place to be, but I was getting some work done that I’ve been wanting to do since I got clean. Using drugs had fucked up some of my teeth and I was finally in the position to get a permanent solution. This was a long time coming and I was super grateful.
Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with anxiety and the last time I was in the dentist’s chair I had a panic attack. I was in the middle of implant surgery and had the sensation that my throat was closing and that I wasn’t going to be able to breathe. My throat wasn’t actually closing, it was just a sensation from the anesthesia, but it triggered a thought that something bad was going to happen. My pulse started racing, my palms got sweaty, and my thoughts started rabbit hole-ing into complete panic.
“Oh my god I’m going to stop breathing and die in this chair.”
Those panic-driven thoughts come in just like that. In literally an instant, I’ve go from having a sensation in my throat to thinking I’m going to die.
It’s scary shit.
Once I recognized it was all being created in my mind, I started to talk myself out of the panic and into thinking everything was going to be ok and nothing bad was actually happening. I talked myself off the ledge and came back to neutral.
After this previous experience, when I was back at the dentist’s again yesterday, I was already a bit anxious.
“Am I going to have another panic attack? Am I going to be ok?”
I shared my anxiety with my dentist- talking about it helped. He reassured me we could stop at any time. OK. I felt better. But once we got started, the anxious thoughts started.
“What if the anesthesia wears off and I start to feel pain?”
I could feel the anxiety starting to build in my body and recognized it was happening. “Oh shit! Fight or flight, here it is again.”
But I did something different this time.
Instead of resisting my anxiety and trying to push it away, I started to think about how grateful I was to be sitting in that chair. How grateful I was that I was finally getting this work done and that it was actually a total privilege to be sitting there. What happened next was magical. In that split second, my anxiety completely disappeared. My body relaxed. Everything shifted. It felt fucking miraculous.
Now, I didn’t plan this. It never occurred to me to use gratitude as a way to manage my anxiety. It just happened.
As the treatment continued, more anxious thoughts came up. “What if he majorly fucks this up? What if something horrible happens?” I continued meeting those anxious thoughts with gratitude. “I am so grateful I am having this work done! I am going to have beautiful teeth and I deserve this.” My anxiety gradually melted away.
And it worked every time.
Gratitude is a practice. I was able to access it in the middle of complete panic because it’s something I practice on a regular basis. Daily.
How do I practice gratitude?
In a general sense, I practice gratitude by appreciating my surroundings. Taking notice of the beauty around me. Paying attention. Slowing down. Turning my autopilot off.
I write. Journaling is a part of my self-care routine, and I often journal about the things I am grateful for. Sometimes it’s a long list. Sometimes it’s just one thing.
I use it during difficult times. When I’m stuck in a loop of negative thinking, in fear about something, or just in a shit mood, I can shift that tone in an instant by starting to think about something I’m grateful for. Even when shit’s hitting the fan, I still have clean water to drink. Perspective.
Over time, the practice of gratitude has shifted my mindset. I spend much more time in a place of positivity and appreciation, than I do in negativity and fear. It’s such a gift.
Not only has gratitude changed the way I show up in this world, it now helps me deal with anxiety and panic, and I am truly grateful for that.
Are you looking to practice gratitude in your life? Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to do this. Here are some writing prompts to help you get started:
· Who is someone special in your life you are grateful for and why?
· What was the best moment of your day today?
· What do you have in your life today that you used to wish for?
If writing isn’t your thing, just close your eyes and think about one thing in your life that you are happy for. This can be something simple like your morning cup of coffee or a big moment such as falling in love. Now sit with the feeling of gratitude for a few moments- really feel it. You can also simply start and end each day thinking of three things you’re grateful for.
Watch your life change!
