What I Learned on a Thru-Hike
… and how it changed my idea of failure.
“You’re not ready. You’re going to fail, and then come back with all the same issues you’re running away from; but without a job.”
This was the advice a friend gave me before I attempted to thru-hike the Te Araroa, a 3000km Trail from Cape Reinga to Bluff in New Zealand. Before you judge him too harshly, I did introduce the idea to him with the phrase “talk me out of it,” and he took that to heart. He’s also a self-proclaimed pragmatist, and after he said his peace, was very willing to get on board when I decided to go through with it anyway.
The irony is, he was absolutely right. I wasn’t ready and I did fail. I definitely packed too much, with a solid 5kg heavier than it should’ve been. Arguably 10kg more than it had to be, if you include all the camera gear I decided I “needed”. To top it all off, once the journey began, on the second full day of hiking I felt something snap in my foot. It became increasingly painful to walk. Every step felt like I was putting the weight down on a knife.
The landscape was part of 90 Mile Beach, a long stretch of beach walking that was difficult enough as is, but now I was hobbling through the pain. Apparently, it was so bad watching me walk, that a surf-cast fisherman pulled me aside and made arrangements to take me to the hospital.
Despite everything, the stubborn streak in me continued to try hiking for the next three weeks. I shipped some unneeded supplies home to lighten the load, I hitchhiked road sections to get ahead of my group and rest. But no matter what I tried, hiking more than 15km was painful. Even less if it was on paved roads.
We were supposed to be doing 25–35km days.
I was positive I was upsetting the friend I came here with and being annoying to the new friends we’d made on the trail. Individually, each one of them assured me they thought it was remarkable not only that I was still trying but that I had a cheery outlook. Yet, it became apparent I couldn’t keep up, and that I had to change what I was doing.
When I factor in having to leave a full month earlier than I had planned, due to unforeseen circumstances, it’s easy to say the trip was a failure.
Now, I find myself back in Seattle, job hunting in the same climate I left, with an overwhelming sense that there is unfinished business in New Zealand.
An entire southern island left to explore. Mountain ranges I never got to see and lakes I failed to photograph. I didn’t even get to attempt astrophotography. I lost a non-refundable/transferable motorcycle rental. And I still need to go back for my tattoo.
While it’s easy to focus on the negative aspects of the trip, all of the unfinished business, it’s important to recognize the successes as well. While the stated purpose of the trip might have been to Thru-Hike the Te Araroa, that was really just an activity to focus on while choosing a new daily experience for myself.
I find myself called to doing something new all the time. Often I view this as some type of adventure, and I definitely become agitated when those breaks from the norm are too far between.
Through this trip, I learned what does and doesn’t work for me while traveling; both in a group and solo. I learned the need to be more social in some settings, fighting my natural inclination for solitude and introversion, while also accepting that those needs for isolation and introspection are essential for my well being.
Society pushes the story that failure is detrimental. But it’s not. Failure is just one of the tools we can use to learn. In the business world, they say “fail fast,” the idea that you want to move quickly and be agile; using those failures to course correct a given strategy or piece of software. Rarely it seems to be applied to our personal experiences; especially in the context of curated social media, showcasing about the top 5–10% of our life.
It’s easy to focus on faults, but I can’t even begin to list all of the positives that happened because of this trip. Here are just a few:
- I managed to hike around 500km in a foreign country.
- I realized I’ll never be okay with sitting at a desk for the rest of my life.
- I realized that sitting at my desk for a specific job isn’t the end of the world.
- I practiced photography in one of the most beautiful countries I can imagine.
- I was inspired to start writing fiction again, something I loved doing when I was younger.
- I got to go sailing on an actual America’s Cup Sailing Vessel.
- I solidified a friendship with one of the most amazing and capable persons I have met in the last year.
- I made real connections and friends with people from around the world and will continue to stay in touch with them.
More than anything, I realized what truly matters to me is making the journey, and not obsessing over a destination. If this is what it means to be a failure, I want more of it in my life.
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