What They Didn’t Tell You About Happiness

Unhappiness is a big part of the equation

Victor Ung
Apr 19, 2019 · 6 min read

Happiness = reality — expectations.

When I first learned of this definition, my logical mind loved it. Finally, a simple and easy to follow formula that would make me happy!

It’s Impossible to Maintain Happiness

People seem to care a lot about happiness. Being American, it’s even written in our nation’s official documents. And being Chinese, the Chinese character for ‘happiness’ is basically on every red pocket, restaurant, and forearm or bicep.

Have High Expectations, Bend Reality

The phrase “bend your reality” might be triggering for the realists because it sounds “woo-woo” and nonsensical. Yes, none of us are magicians.

Lower Expectations Result in Lower Standards

Because I didn’t believe I could change my reality, I took the passive approach and kept my head down instead. I adapted to everyone around me. I avoided conflict with my parents, with my teachers, with my managers, with all of society. Any result I would get was only to be expected. I didn’t want to ask too much of both myself and others for fear of being disappointed for not getting what I wanted.

The World is Hurting and it Needs You

Humans are hurting because we’ve lost the safe space to express what we’re feeling. To tell her you’re worried about something. To tell your parents you appreciate them. To tell him you’re lost. To tell your boss you don’t know what you’re doing. To admit to ourselves that there’s still so much we don’t know and to seek to understand before disagreeing with someone. To be comfortable with what it means to have a higher expectation for your reality.

The First Steps to Developing Emotional Resiliency

There’s no better teacher than life and its experiences, but it doesn’t mean we can’t prepare for the best and worst of those experiences in our own study. For that, I’ve collected 11 exercises for you to practice in your day-to-day.

Ready to start your JRNI?

Learn more about applied positive psychology by enrolling in our life coach training program, the Catalyst Coaching Intensive. Ready to take your self development to the next level? Book a call with Victor here.


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