Coping with impostor syndrome
How I survived the ‘Circle of Death’ and hacked the JSK Fellowship
After working for more than 10 years at LA NACION in Argentina helping our newsroom embrace digital opportunities, I felt the need to push my limits and refresh my research skills in the most exciting environment, Stanford University and Silicon Valley.
What inspired me was that the JSK Fellowships had a place for journalism innovators.
I’m not a traditional reporter nor a natural writer but their profile descriptions made me feel welcome.
In applying, I justified my interest in a subject I considered a game-changer, but was very difficult to learn by myself: using artificial intelligence (AI) to hold the powerful accountable.
Dealing with impostor syndrome
I’m used to being around super talented people. Working on a team whose members have diverse skills is something I’m always thankful for, and I’ve learned to appreciate our differences in character, paces and technical abilities.
For the record, I usually feel confident about my professional talents, but being part of the JSK Fellowships is a new scenario.
When I try to explain my research goal to data scientists, sometimes I have inner doubts, my own version of impostor syndrome. I think:
“Maybe I’m not capable of tackling this challenge and they’ll find out sooner or later.”
“Everyone around me is far more qualified than I am to deal with this kind of research.”
The words I’m exploring like deep learning, neural networks, algorithms, natural language processing, expert systems or computer vision are still daunting to me.
I’m trying to understand the opportunities of these different subsets of data science, with real-life reporting examples. And I hope to be able to explain the differences to other journalists, to answer their questions, and to maybe give recommendations.
To help me cope with these mixed feelings, I have the support of all of my JSK colleagues: You belong here! — No brilliant jerks!
And I was also fortunate to stumble upon Professor Jo Boaler’s course, How to Learn Mathematics: New Ideas From the Science of Learning, which has an online version (subtitles and explanations in Spanish!).
The central question I faced in this course has been very useful: Do you believe your abilities are determined by given talent, or by growth and learning.
Maybe your own answer is probably wrong. The course knocked down my myths about math, mindset and speed. It helps to understand that the brain grows from failures, and that it’s not important to be fast, but to go deep and to have a long-term learning strategy.
Mindset matters!
Strategies for accomplishing my research goal
My deep and long-term strategy to immerse myself in the AI ecosystem — and defeat the impostor syndrome — includes:
- Reading books, news articles, research publications and academic papers.
- Attending special lectures, courses or presentations on campus.
- Attending WiDS and NICAR conferences in March 2019.
- Interviewing specialists.
- Watching videos, listening to podcasts and following hashtags about AI conferences or presentations.
Three of my other fellows and I created an AI study group to help us effectively tackle our projects and share our learning. Our routine is based on:
- A Whatsapp group to share links, events or possible group interviews with specialists.
- A weekly meetup to discuss books and to brainstorm.
- A shared Google Drive to upload presentations, audio files and notes to help us organize the information we are collecting for further revision during the next quarters … and life after the fellowship!
Finally, I’m saving bookmarks at Pinboard and I’ve installed an app to tag directly from my phone because I usually find interesting links via Twitter or Whatsapp.
Surviving the ‘Circle of Death’
Finally, I find myself stepping outside my comfort zone not just in my work but also in my personal life.
In Buenos Aires, I travel around by car. Here, I decided to bike the 14 minutes from home to campus. It sounded healthy, money-saving and eco-friendly.
The fellowship started a couple of weeks before classes began. I biked to the JSK Garage every day. Sometimes, I even biked to shop for my groceries or to meet up with other fellows around Palo Alto. My rides were invigorating and I felt powerful.
But suddenly, everything changed.
By the end of September, all the students arrived on campus and my new riding adventure turned into risky business.
Teens passed me biking while texting, riding with no hands, or skating at high speed. Instead of feeling in charge, I became insecure about changing lanes at intersections or crossing the traffic circle near the Belgian Clock Tower close to the building where I was taking French lessons.
Then I discovered this busy roundabout is informally known as the Circle of Death. It gets clogged with cyclists during peak traffic times when everyone crosses campus from one class to another.
Many times I’ve walked my bike to the other side of the street instead of joining the chaos. But eventually, I figured out my own way to navigate. Just by arriving 10 minutes earlier, I avoid the Circle of Death at the worse times. I travel my own path, at my own time, at my own pace. That’s how I’m surviving the Circle of Death, and how I’m hacking my fellowship.
fcoelho@stanford.edu / @fcoel
