Staying true to my story
How the JSK Fellowship helped me face my imposter syndrome
Growing up, I never knew someone who was an award-winner. I had never met a reporter, photographer, writer, or editor. People considered leaders were not part of my world. In a single-parent, Spanish-speaking home, my world was more about survival.
For many young Latino immigrants to the US, the first clear path they see to financial freedom is following in their parents’ footsteps. I almost did. At 18, I took a labor job at a Taylor Farms processing facility in Salinas where I assembled pre-packaged salads. I did this to earn quick cash to help support my family. It almost kept me from getting to where I am today.
Since starting my journalism career nine years ago, I’ve struggled with imposter syndrome. Even as I’ve won awards, grown to be regarded as a talented photographer by my peers, and been selected as a fellow by two prestigious organizations, I struggle with a sense of belonging where I work.
In the media, there aren’t many Latinos. According to a Pew Research article, more than three-quarters (77%) of newsroom employees — those who work as reporters, editors, photographers, and videographers in the newspaper, broadcasting, and internet publishing industries — are non-Hispanic whites.
I realize now that my imposter syndrome is deeply rooted in my lack of early exposure to the types of people I work with and meet every day as a photographer and reporter at The Californian.
Now as a John S. Knight Community Impact Fellow at Stanford, I’ve learned to embrace the power of my origin story rather than shy away from it. This fellowship, and the cohort of other fellows, have helped me view my struggles and my past as a positive instead of a negative. This has allowed me to start changing the narrative in my community and start creating a path for future Latino journalists in Monterey County. Feeling bad because of my upbringing, and feeling less than others, and like I don’t belong is a thing of the past.
Before living in the Salad Bowl of the World, as California’s Salinas Valley is known, I was a child running around the streets of Aguascalientes, Mexico. Everyone’s door was open to me. Between all my friends and people I knew, there was always a hot meal to share and I saw so many different socio-economic lifestyles. My life experiences have shaped the way I interact and connect with my community: My door is always open. Coming here with the same mindset of embracing my community by showing up, and finding what makes it special has helped shape the way I approach and talk to people.
As a Latino, I grew up in a culture where it was, and sometimes still is, frowned upon for men to cry, hug or communicate feelings. The community views that behavior as weak.
The JSK cohort has helped shed that mentality, and has shown me the power of being true to myself, and the power of my vulnerability. I’ve learned to see things that I perceived as weaknesses as strengths. The ability to feel, hug and cry helps me emotionally connect to my projects, stories and the community I live in and cover. It helps me be a better journalist.
As a journalism student at San Francisco State University, I chased story clicks, awards and recognition. I always thought that skipping sleep to work late hours, being highly productive and earning accolades were the only ways to succeed. But now I’ve redefined what my success looks like. Although putting in the hard work is important in the industry, this fellowship has shown me that connecting with myself and my story is equally crucial.
To me, true success lies in the process of learning to make mistakes gracefully, acknowledging my near wins, and connecting and growing with my community.
With each photo I take and story I write, I try to change the world. The fellowship taught me that small changes can eventually lead to significant changes. Celebrating my near wins has also been favorable for my growth. Being in the moment helps me move past the obstacles life throws my way.
As my fellowship passes its halfway point, every lesson has helped me find power in my authenticity; this has been one of the most important things I’ll take away.
Being true to myself can create change in the stories I write, the people I interact with, and the journalism I produce in my community. It has pushed my work to new heights. This JSK Fellowship has given me lifelong tools that I hope to use one day to help a new generation of Latino journalists flourish in this industry.
Imposter syndrome doesn’t define me. I know my drive to be a great journalist matches that of any publisher, board member and top editor in the field. My passion, care, and commitment to the community prove that I belong.
