40 Unforgivably dumb things Seth Abramson thinks he discovered about the Force Awakens

So I‘ve read this article by one Seth Abramson on Huffington Post named 40 Unforgivable Plot Holes in ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’. There are some problems with Force Awakens, sure, but such a pile of rubbish just asked for some analysis. So here we go, let’s dissect!

Spoilers are inevitable!
  1. To blow up the 120-km “Death Star” in Star Wars, the rebels needed detailed plans for the base and a full-scale invasion force — as well as the supernatural targeting skills of the most powerful Force-user in the galaxy. To destroy the exponentially larger and better-protected “Starkiller Base” in The Force Awakens, all that was needed was a janitor with no special skills, a few run-of-the-mill handheld explosives, a couple not very difficult X-wing blaster strikes, and some moxie. It also helped that the Millennium Falcon was able to “fly low."
    First of all, Luke was the most powerful force user in the galaxy? I’d like to be that sure… Anyway just because Starkiller base is bigger doesn’t mean it’s better protected. In fact, bigger things are usually harder to protect. Also, First Order is not the Empire, Empire was massive force governing entire galaxy, First Order is just a ragtag group of war reenactors in comparison to the Empire. And Death Star was a space station, this is a planet. You don’t have to be particularly careful about people just landing on your space station, walking under the cover of the forest towards your weakness and blowing it up. Because it’s a sodding space station, it’s not very inviting outside. In space. And about that “few run-of-the-mill explosives”, Death Star was destroyed by mere two torpedoes.
  2. The wily Han Solo loses track of his most prized possession, the Millennium Falcon, for more than a dozen years (and finds it again when it’s convenient).
    Well, it’s not such a novelty idea to actually track the lost ship I hope. I mean, I don’t have to be in the galaxy far far away to track my car. What a surprise, Falcon is grounded and minutes after Rey starts to pilot it, Han finds it, almost like some tracking was installed in the Falcon, hmmm. And almost like he was hanging about, suggesting Falcon might have been on Jakku on purpose, hmmm.
  3. Kylo Ren, a powerful Force-user, fights a lightsaber duel with an ex-janitor who has never held a lightsaber (…) Stuff about Kylo Ren’s lightsaber being impractical.
    How is Kylo Ren powerful force user for crying out loud? He sucks d**ks! He is just so bewitched by the romantic idea of dark lords of old that he decides to be one. Nobody ever said anything about him being powerful. Finn is hardly a janitor, he is obviously attending a mission to find the map to Luke, so he must have had some training, probably from a very early age. Military training does include close proximity combat I hope. Anyway Finn doesn’t last long in that fight anyway. As for the Kylo’s lightsaber, I suggest to read, it’s far better to have a weird lightsaber, than no hands from its explosion.
  4. Rey becomes nearly as effective a Force-user in a few hours as Luke Skywalker did in a few years.
    Whoa, maybe authors try to convey some meaning by this. Unfortunately, not all viewers are apparently as bright as authors hoped. Good thing they didn’t lower the bar for those few so rest of us can actually enjoy a science fiction film that doesn’t treat us like five-year-olds.
  5. Just minutes before Starkiller Base explodes, Supreme Leader Snoke tells Hux to go get Kylo Ren and take him off the planet. Ren had recently run into the woods. It’s no problem, though, because Hux apparently has special Kylo Ren GPS and (one assumes) goes right to the spot in the middle of the forest where Ren is bleeding to death.
    Wow, what year is Mr. Abranson from again? Because an idea of technology that locates stuff seems to be pretty alien to him. Is my imagination too wild to assume an existence of some sort of wearable tech that starts transmitting your location when your health readings go south? I mean, we have laser swords wielding space ninja monks in this universe, surely this is not such a wild idea.
  6. The reason Ren was slowly bleeding to death — instead of being dead by Rey’s hand — is that a massive a chasm had just miraculously opened up in the several feet between the two of them.
    Yeah, it’s a fantasy movie, we have noticed. You run into one creature in the world that has a magical ring your best mate looks for, your wardrobe sometimes leads to strange worlds and yes, massive chasms open at the right time.
  7. Rey, who has never left her home planet since she was a child, can speak Wookie.
    About those author trying to suggest something… And I have seen plenty of characters understanding Wookie.
  8. It’s okay that Poe survived a Tie Fighter crash; after all, so did Finn.
    Yeah, it is. What the hell, this is not even an attempt to find plot hole.
  9. What is all this nonsense about the First Order only wanting to destroy the Republic because the Republic is supporting the Resistance? First of all, isn’t the Resistance part of the Republic, not a separate operation?
    No, it’s not. It’s a separate operation. If one cannot digest the information from the film, he might try to read, again. But for some, idea of more than two sides of a conflict might be too complicated (again, kudos to J. J. for not lowering the bar in order to cater to such people).
  10. For that matter, why is it made to seem like the entire Republic is centered in just one star system?
    What the actual f*ck? They didn’t destroy entire Republic! Just a few planets in its central system ( Hosnian system), the important ones. Maz Kanata’s castle is on a planet in that same system, that is why it was visible.
  11. Kylo Ren is the head of the Knights of Ren, but there are no other Knights of Ren in the movie.
    Yeah! J. J. should apologize for not making 100 hour long film and exploring everything entire galaxy has to offer in it!
  12. Captain Phasma is supposed to be a big-deal character in The Force Awakens.
    You still remember that Bobba Fett guy right?
  13. Really? Was there no previous order Finn had ever refused to execute?
    Well, probably no, but one moment had to be the moment. I don’t care how many times he was part of some massacre or what, I went to the cinema to watch the story of Force Awakens, not 100+1 massacres Finn had to watch as a stormtrooper before he went AWOL.
  14. Finn is an ex-janitor who goes AWOL from a Stormtrooper force numbering in the tens of thousands. Yet he is absolutely convinced, despite being someone of no importance whatsoever to the First Order, that he will be chased across the galaxy for having defected.
    Do you still remember how leaked intel blasted Death Star to pieces? And I think we already established that Finn wasn’t a janitor. What’s more important, try to be the person brainwashed by a totalitarian regime, you will be paranoid as f*ck after such act of disobedience.
  15. Let’s be clear: Han’s son joins the First Order, and Luke’s attempts to train new Jedis goes horribly wrong, and both men respond to these setbacks by, well, abandoning the Resistance to be utterly slaughtered by the First Order.
    Once again, maybe athors are trying to tell us something. Luke left to search for the original Jedi Temple, so maybe he felt like he failed to train a new generation of Jedi Knights and needed some advice before attempting again. Quite understandable if you ask me. As for Han, if you don’t see he is obviously involved in guarding Rey, you are not looking.
  16. By the end of the movie, the impression is left that every single First Order soldier is dead besides Supreme Leader Snoke, General Hux, and Kylo Ren.
    Just, no. Who the hell was under the impression that every single First Order soldier is dead? And don’t forget the Empire, it’s still there as well.
  17. Why does General Hux need to gather all of his troops just to tell them he’s about to press a button and destroy the entire Republic?
    Ever heard abut this thing called propaganda? Pretty brutal stuff. And he at no point says he is going to destroy the entire Republic.
  18. How pissy is it of Luke to (a) abandon the Resistance, and then (b) leave an obnoxiously coy trail of bread-crumbs to sort of (but not really) help people find him (at some unspecified time)?
    Map to his whereabouts is kept nearly on the same spot as Rey (possibly by another person involved in keeping tabs on her), R2-D2 is programmed to wait and wake up at the exact moment Rey comes back to the Resistance. That seems like a very specific time and good planning, rather than trail of bread-crumbs.
  19. Why wasn’t the Resistance able to access R2D2’s data archives at any point over the course of the many years Luke was gone?
    Because Luke intended to be found a the time he thought was right. Simple as that. How is this concept so difficult to understand?
  20. When the Resistance finally figures out where Luke is, after looking for him for many years, why do they send only Chewbacca and a random girl who Leia just met to collect him?
    How, at this point in the film, could anyone be so ignorant to assume Rey is just some random girl? And what else would you send for Luke? Entire Starfleet you don’t have? Fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy is perfect. And it needs only two people to operate.
  21. Kylo Ren has such a Force-enabled sense of where his father is in the Galaxy that when his father lands on Starkiller Base, Ren immediately exclaims to himself, “Solo!” Yet a few minutes later, when Ren is just twenty feet from Solo, he can’t detect him — and actually starts searching for him in the wrong direction.
    Yeah, because sensing someone's presence on a planet, and sensing someone's exact location is exactly the same thing.
  22. How lame is Han’s attempt to convert his son?
    About as lame as Vader's attempt to bring his son to the dark side. And Han knew that was a moment of definition, his son was torn between light and dark and at that moment, he would have to make a decision, and Han was ready to bear consequences if the decision was to go full sith.
  23. Why do Rey and Finn just stand by watching as Ren murders Han?
    First of all, Finn knew by that time Renn is Han’s son. Second, there you see Han Solo, a man of legends staring down Kylo Ren, wannabe dark lord (but still pretty dark) on a catwalk, what you do? You stay the hell out of it. Same as you stay out of Vader vs. Obi-wan showdown.
  24. Rey says that the Millennium Falcon is “garbage” and hasn’t been flown in many, many years.
    Maybe, because it’s not there to fly. I mean, how many hints do you need to receive to get it? And by the way, that was always kind of Falcon’s thing, that it looks awful but flies perfectly.
  25. Why does Plutt offer Rey 250 times her usual pay for BB-8 and then, when she says “no,” simply tell some of his heavies to just steal it?
    Because he’s not an idiot and his first choice was to buy the droid. Getting it violently simply wasn’t ideal, but had to do once she made it clear she wouldn’t sell it. Again, nod the most complicated concept in the galaxy.
  26. Maz Kanata is a friend to the Resistance. So why is she hiding Luke’s light saber from them?
    Maybe she is hiding it for Luke? Maybe she is not so much allied with resistance as sympathetic to their cause and sort of Hondo Ohnaka type?
  27. How did Kylo Ren manage to get Darth Vader’s mask into his little fetish den?
    He probably spent some very exciting time scouring the galaxy for it in his Vader obsession tantrum.
  28. How does Finn find Rey’s settlement, given that the film makes clear that all Finn can see, after his Tie Fighter crashes, is endless dunes in every direction?
    Maybe he just picks a direction and walks. It’s almost like some kind of magic was at work here, how do they call it, the Force? How many hints you need?
  29. Who trained Rey to fight with a staff as effectively as she does?
    Almost like she has been trained before, isn’t it? And I don’t have any illusions, scavengers might get into plenty of fights. Or do you suspect she was just sitting on her ass since age 10 doing nothing?
  30. If Finn is such a good guy that he would try to save Rey the moment he saw she was in distress, doesn’t it further call into question just how in the world the order to kill civilians on Jakku was the first time he’d ever had qualms about doing something the First Order had asked him to do?
    Haven't we’ve been over that one already? Who said it was the first time? You realize that if you were raised to believe something, it is longer process to reconsider those beliefs?
  31. Given that all Poe knows about Finn is that he’s a First Order defector, why does he seem happy to see Finn just seconds after (and perhaps as) BB-8 tells him Finn is alive?
    He helped him escape for god’s sake.
  32. Kylo Ren takes his mask off pretty readily, and in pretty mixed company, for someone determined to wear super uncomfortable headgear perpetually.
    Is it a weird thing to do? Yes. Is it as well defining Kylo Ren’s character? Hell yes! That’s why. Kylo Ren is weird sodding bastard, not Darth Vader, deal with it.
  33. Why does Kylo Ren assign just a single Stormtrooper to guard Rey.
    Remember the Firs Order being a ragtag bunch of imperial fundamentalists? Maybe they are low on personnel. And maybe he hoped that assigning deadliest Englishman would be enough.
  34. How do the Rathtars on Han’s freighter get loose? If he’s just keeping them loose in the hanger, why don’t they kill him when he’s walking through the freighter toward the Millennium Falcon, or at any other time?
    I don’t remember those Rathars being held in a hangar. And they didn’t look like the kind of creatures you can chain, maybe he used some sort of narcotic agent to lock them somewhere and planned to release it again before he opened the door next time.
  35. Why do the Rathtars immediately kill every human they encounter — except Finn, who is randomly dragged off just long enough to be rescued?
    Rule of Cool.
  36. Why are all Stormtroopers human (or humanoid)?
    Because entire Empire is extremely anti-alien? Clones were a thing of the past way back during the original trilogy, have we seen any non-humanoid stormtroopers then? No. Non-humanoids are given the lowest jobs and often enslaved, not drafted to Imperial military. And First Order is bunch of imperial fundamentalists, so multiply this by hundred.
  37. If basically everyone in the Galaxy knows the Force is not a myth — for instance, every single Stormtrooper in the First Order, who has seen Kylo Ren use it or heard tell of him using it; every single person in the Resistance, who knows the Resistance is looking for Luke Skywalker; every single person in the Republic, which was first established in part by the heroism of the Jedis — how is the existence of the Force a total shock to Rey?
    You mean like for Admiral Conan Antonio Motti? Galaxy is a big place and even during the final days of the Republic, days when there were thousands of Jedi Knights in the galaxy, many people took the Force as some mystic tale. Most of the First Order stormtroopers haven't seen Kylo Ren using the Force, and other could've dismissed it as just a tall tale. During TFA, Jedis are gone even longer than during New Hope, everybody outside small circles of people thinks the Force is a myth.
  38. Is Supreme Leader Snoke actually a giant?
    Like if dictators of our world didn’t use gigantic screens to project themselves to their subjects. And yes, Emperor did that too.
  39. Why would the First Order spend untold quadrillions of [insert unit of money here] to build the Starkiller Base, when a similar concept and design plan had twice before been destroyed with minimal difficulty by the rebels?
    Was Death Star such a disappointment or do we think that just because in films we saw only the moments it was destroyed? Because if you want to project fear, it certainly worked quite well. And it’s just logical that Empire’s heirs would iterate on this design, we too have more or less similar looking and working weapons last 100 years, just slowly improved.
  40. Is there any other film franchise in the history of cinema that would be permitted, by its fans and by critics, to recycle so many plot points?
    How is this a plot hole? I’ll just say that J. J. was in a tight spot to please the fans and rather chose to reassure them, so he could build a platform for new, original SW films instead of an experiment risking total failure like with the prequels. And seeing how people were jumpy about Kylo Ren’s lightsaber, one of the few innovations we’ve seen, I can pretty much understand why the team went as conservative as possible.
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