“Come on, guys. Just jerk off already!”

Nabeel Tahir
Nov 14, 2018 · 2 min read

In a ruthless collapse of the Reproductive Clinic industry, the phenomenon known as “No-Nut November” seems have been the root cause of the financial collapse.

“It’s supply and demand, and quite frankly — No-Nut November does nothing but negatively impact our supply chain and an unusual spike in demand.”, said Gene Fapinastor of the “iFap Sperm Clinical Reproduction Centre” (FSCRC).

With the industry set to record the lowest sperm collection rate in recorded history, Sir. Richard Mastürbêártsön (Founder of No-Nut November), had the following to say,

“I do concur that whilst the supply chain of reproductive clinics seems to have been affected by the monthly retention of our devoted no-fappers during this time of year, we do wish to confirm that there can be expected a hefty load in the months leading up to the year’s end. Reports have shown, the quality and quantity improves tremendously in the months of December-January; as sexually frustrated gentlemen bust tremendous amount of their bodily reproductive fluids literally by the gallons. During this time of No-Nut November, I wish to implore our Sperm Donation industry partners to preserve patience whilst our devoted blue-ballers do the same in this time of sheer hysteria and imploding testosterone”

The employees who have recently found themselves unemployed as a direct result of No-Nut November, seem to have taken much more severe and extreme precautions to prevent further decline in the industry.

One spokesperson was willing to speak on this matter in a civil manner, from behind a hold in the wall — claiming it was a precaution towards maintaining anonymity;

“Come on! Just do it. Pop it in. We have all sorts of wonderful euphoric experiences for you chaps. SERIOUSLY! WE NEED OUR JOBS BACK, YOU WANKERS GET BACK TO WANKING ALREADY! THE WORLD NEEDS BABIES! GET OFF YOUR ASS, AND RUB ONE OUT. Sorry…haha. We lost it there for a minute. Precious seems to get sensitive during this time of year. Hey you look like you could use some help with that bulge between your…”

At this point we felt best to resort to our miserable lives back at the office, where apparently another phenomenon known as “Movember” took its course.

“So much hair…my God”, mumbled one employee as she fainted into oblivion.


Mixed Fruits and Looney Tunes.

Nabeel Tahir

Written by

I failed to learn the piano, so I decided I’d play the keyboard instead. //All aboard the Crazytrain. https://paypal.me/nabeeltahir


Mixed Fruits and Looney Tunes.

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