7 Ways to Think Positive about Others
As for those who avoid grave sins and foul acts, though they may commit small sins, your Lord is ample in forgiveness. He has been aware of you from the time He produced you from the earth and from your hiding places in your mothers’ wombs, so do not assert your own goodness:He knows best who is mindful of Him. — Quran 53[An-Najm]:32
As humans, our hearts wander a lot. And in this instance, it’s very easy for shaytan to bring was-was into our hearts. These are assumptions, negative thoughts, and preemptive beliefs about others. And one of the few things that can resolve this matter of the heart is husn-dhonn — positive thinking. Thinking well of others actually protects you from unnecessary migraine, worry, grief, and disturbance of your peace of mind. This in turn strengthens the ties of love and brotherhood; building a great relationship. It creates affection and frees the heart from hatred and rancor. Positive thoughts help in stabilizing the world. And above all, it builds the foundation of al-qlbus saleem — a heart that finds peace with ease. Allah’s Apostle PBUH was reported to have said:
Narrated Abu Huraira RA:The Prophet PBUH said: “Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales. And do not look for the others’ faults and do not spy. And do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert (cut your relation with) one another. And do not hate one another; and O Allah’s worshipers! Be brothers (as Allah has ordered you!”) — Agreed upon
There are so many ways to implement positive thoughts as depicted by the best of generations, the salafu-saliheen. We shall examine a few of them in sha Allah. the goal is not just to enlist them here for you to read, it’s about putting them into practice to build a better society by Allah’s leave.
- Making supplication for others: To ask Allah on behalf of your brother is a highly commendable act. Did you remember when Allah’s Apostle PBUH prayed for Abu Jahl? This was a man who saw the Rasul as a sworn enemy and even wished him death. Yet Allah’s Messenger asked for guidance on his behalf. When you make dua’ for others, it’s an indirect investment for yourself. This is what many do not know…
Abu Darda reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “No Muslim servant supplicates for his brother behind his back but that the angel says: And for you the same.” — Sahih Muslim
2. Putting yourself in the shoes of others: If we all show empathy to others, the world will be a better place. As much as we can, let’s see things from the other person’s lens. This will help us feel what they are felling and know what they are going through. Think well of them: that vulnerability or difficulty they’re going through could have been you. You’re not better than them, Allah has only favored you. So think positively and help salvage the situation of your brothers and sisters if you can.
3. Interpreting things in the best ways: Even if you’ve heard it wrong, process it right. Try as much as you can to find the “silver-linning” in your brother’s speech. This is not only good for you, it puts them in the right perspective in your eyes.
Umar RA said: “ do not think evil of a word that your believing brother said to you. As long as it can be interpreted in a good way”.
One time, Al-Imam Ash-Shafi’ was sick and one of his brothers said: “may Allah strengthen your weakness”. What he intended was a dua’ — supplication but if you read it literally well you know that sounds like a curse. Imam ash-Shafi’ responded to him: “if Allah strengthens my weakness it will kill me”. Then the man said: “by Allah I meant good”. The Imam then said: “I know that even if you insulted me, you sound good in it”. This is a great character to emulate.
4. Make excuses for others: When someone annoys you or says something bad to you, make excuses for them. Some of the righteous predecessors said you should make 70 excuses for your brothers before you fault them. The story of Abu Dhar Al Ghifaree and the young man never ceases to amaze me. How he gave an excuse for the young man, even when his own life was at stake. Muhammad Ibn Sireen once said: “if you come to know your brother has harmed you with a word or deed, make excuses for him. If you don’t find any, then at least excuse him by saying I don’t know if he meant any good by this”. Here are a few excuses we could make up for our brothers and sisters: ‘I know he’s probably going through hard times’. ‘She might not mean it that way’, ‘maybe they did it with good intentions’. ‘Shaytan might want to cause enmity between us’, ‘I might be wrong, you know…’ and Allah knows best. This is a concept of seeing the glass half-full than half-empty.
5. Avoid judging what’s in the heart of others: Unfortunately, many people are found guilty of judging others through suspicious thoughts. You hear them say: ‘I think! I guess!! I know!!!’. This wasn’t the trait of the sahaba — companions. We sometimes even think for people as if we have a ‘thinkometer’ that can read their minds. A sad instance occurred during the time of the Prophet PBUH. Osama ibn Zaid RA once killed a man even after he testified to faith. Then he claimed that the man accepted Islam out of fear. When the news reached Allah’s Apostle SAW, he became enraged and asked Osama: did you tear his heart out from his body to know what’s in there? This tells clearly that it’s only Allah that knows what’s in the heart of others. We are not in any way qualified to judge people. Leave people’s intention between them and Allah. This is a very good way to think well of people.
6. Remembering the evil consequences of assumptions: The one who assumes gains nothing but depression by taking away happiness from themselves. This without doubt leads to the destruction of themselves. They live a life of trouble and grief, seeing themselves as faultless and others as faulty. People who think ill of others lose good companionship. It’s natural for people to make mistakes, so we can’t find a perfect man.
Fudayl Ibn ‘Iyaḍ said:
“Whoever seeks a brother without faults would never have a brother to be his friend.”
7. Give them another chance: Everyone deserves at least a second chance. This is an opportunity that ‘just maybe they’ve had a rebirth of thought’ or it wasn’t intended the way it appeared. If Allah can forgive us, then why can’t we forgive ourselves? It’s understandable that people can be so cunny and deliberate to cause harm, yet be good to them anyways. This is not the height of stupidity but you’re creating spiritual healing for your own self by letting go of the past. You can’t take back what has happened but you can look forward to a better future. In this instance, you also have to analyze the situation critically and don’t fall for a trick. When Ka’b Ibn Malik RA missed the expedition of Tabuk, Allah revealed his sincerity, and Allah’s messenger PBUH gave him another chance. This is a feeling of hope for the beneficiary — a great spirit we should strive to revive.
In sum, thinking well of others is one of the traits which Allah loves. It requires a lot of discipline as you have to fight your own lower self and the shaytan. May Allah grant us the ability to be able to think well of others in good ways, at all times and in all situations. Ameen!
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Yaumul Jumu’ah 9th Muharam 1442 AH / Friday 28th August 2020.
