Are your Parents really Valuable enough?
And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: “My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims (submitting to Your Will).” — Qur’an 46[Al-Ahqaf]:15
During our childhood days, our Mom often made a prayer in our native dialect: ‘Olohun ma je ki e mo iyi’. This means ‘may God not let you know the value of what you have’. It sounded absurd to me — why on earth shouldn’t we know the value of what we had. Two instances simplified the in-depth meaning of that expression. The first was when I saw some of my friends who lost their parents before adulthood. It was terrifying to see them cry and imagine how they felt. Then when I became a father, the reality of responsibility dawned upon me. The recurring expenditure of buying diapers was so annoying, but when I matched it with the bills my father paid to get us educated, it was no where comparable. These two scenarios made me realize that parenthood is real business; it’s a hard work input that stresses one out. And ever after, I’d sometimes whisper: ‘may we not know the value of what we have…’ — knowing the value of what you have indirectly means there’s a deficiency somewhere.
This was why God instructed us thus:
And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.” — Qur’an 17[Al-Isra’]:23–24
This verse establishes the superiority of dutifulness to parents after the worship of Allah. Imam al-Ridha explained this further: “Allah, the Mighty, the Glorious, has commanded three things with which he has associated three other things. He associated payment of zakat along with prayers such that one who offers prayers, but desists from offering zakat, his prayers are rejected. He associated gratitude to Him with gratitude towards parents such that one who is grateful to Allah, but ungrateful to his parents, will be deemed as ungrateful to Allah. He associated righteousness with bonds of kinship such that one who is righteous, but has severed relations with his kin, will be deemed as not being righteous.” [Biharul Anwar, Volume 74, Page 77]
The beautiful story of Umar and Uwais Al-Qarni
The story of Uwais Al-Qarni was mentioned in Sahih Muslim as well as in other books of Hadith. Although, Uwais was from the Tabi’een and did not see the Messenger [Salah Allahu Alaihi wa salam]. Allah’s apostle [Salah Allahu Alaihi wa salam] had advised ‘Umar ibn Al-Khatab [Radiya Allahu ‘Anhu] that if he meets Uwais then he, ‘Umar, should ask Uwais to ask Allah to forgive him and to make supplication for him.
Asir ibn Jaabir [radhiallahu`anhu] narrated: Whenever people would come from Yemen, `Umar radhiallahu `anhu would ask them, “Is Uways Al-Qaranee among you?” until, one year, he met Uways. He said, “Are you Uways Al-Qaranee?” He said, “Yes.” `Umar continued, “From Muraad, then Qaran?” He said, “Yes.” `Umar then asked, “Were you once afflicted with leprosy and your skin healed except for a dirham’s area?” Uways said, “Yes.” `Umar finally asked, “Do you have a mother (that is alive)?” He said, “Yes.”
`Umar then said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah — sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam — say, ‘Uways ibn Aamir will come to you with the delegations from Yemen, from Muraad, then from Qaran. He was once afflicted with leprosy and his skin healed except for a dirham’s area. He has a mother, and he treats her kindly. If he was to ever swear by Allah (for something) Allah would fulfill his oath. If you can, request that he ask forgiveness for you.”
`Umar then requested from Uways, “Ask forgiveness for me.” And Uways Al-Qarani did. — [Muslim]
From this narrative, it’s obvious that the only good deed Uwais was described with was goodness to his mother. The status of the mother is even elevated than the father. Kindness to parents cannot be over emphasized as this was eminent in the famous hadith of Abu Hurayrah:
A man came to the Prophet asking, ‘Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said, your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said, then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said, then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet replied, then your father. — (Saheehayn)
How much can we pay them in return?
Abdullah ibn Umar, (may Allah be pleased with him and his father) once saw a man carrying his mother on his back and going around the Ka’abah. He did not complain or show any signs of annoyance; rather he kept repeating a line of poetry comparing himself to a camel. He looked at Abdullah ibn Umar and asked him whether by so doing he discharged his debt to his mother. Ibn Umar said, “No! You have not even paid back one twinge of the pain she felt when giving birth to you”.
Among the right of your mother on you is that you should know that she’s incomparable and irreplaceable. She bore, protected and nourished you with the juice of her life. She tried with her soul to satisfy your needs. She had sleepless nights suffering anxieties. It is not possible for you to compensate her, or thank her enough for all the services she rendered. The right of your father on you is that you should know that it is he who brought you into existence, and you are a branch of the tree of his life. Both parents deserve your honor and respect and in no way are they to be treated like a bootstrap.
Even if our parents order us to go against Islamic principles, we must still treat them with justice and fairness. There is no room for deserting our parents or being not dutiful to them — even if they were disbelievers in Allah. This was evident from the saying of the Prophet Muhammad to Asma. She once asked the Prophet how she should treat her mother, who was a polytheist. The Prophet replied, “Treat your mother well.”
A supplication from the lip of our forefather — Abraham
Allah narrated to us the story of Abraham in several chapters of the Qur’an. Indeed he was a friend of Allah and an excellent servant of His Lord. There were several lessons of parent-child relationship between Abraham and his sons. One of which is this supplication which stands as a legacy and with it we conclude:
“All the praises and thanks be to Allah, Who has given me in old age Ismail (Ishmael) and Is’haq (Isaac). Verily! My Lord is indeed the All-Hearer of invocations. O my Lord! Make me one who performs As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat), and (also) from my offspring, Our Lord! Accept my invocation. Our Lord! Forgive me and my parents, and (all) the believers on the Day when the reckoning will be established”. — Qur’an 14[Ibrahim]:39–41
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