Celebrating the Prophet from a Romantic Perspective

If you differ in anything among yourselves refer it to Allah and His messenger if you do believe in Allah and the last day. That is best and most suitable for final determination. — Qur’an 4[Nisa’]:51

Today, we live in times when weddings are flamboyantly celebrated with little touch of marital bliss. A union expected to blossom the day it was solemnized suddenly turns to a nightmare where spouses hunt each other’s life. Alas! Marriage that is not built upon the fear of Allah and in line with the sunnah of His messenger is sure to go haywire. This is one reason why we need to check our intentions before getting married. For the intention is more important than the action. In the sunnah we’ve seen a lot of practicable lessons that nourishes blissful matrimony.

The prophet PBUH said: “the best among you are those who are best to their wives. And I am the best to my wives”. (Tirmidhi)

Here are a few romantic lessons from the marital life of Prophet Muhammad PBUH for us to emulate…

1. Adorn yourself attractively: It’s not only women that need to look good. Men should be attractive to their wives as well. It was reported that the prophet PBUH loves perfume and his women. While the coolness of his eyes can be found in the establishment of salat. As a husband, wear a nice scenting oil, allow your wife to comb your beards as Aisha did for the Rasul, and don’t keep an oozing breathe that repels a French kiss. If you could use the miswak before salat, this is well recommended.
2. Get to doing things together: There’s nothing wrong in cooking, eating, and bathing together with your wife. Some men count this as awkward whereas it’s well established in the sunnah. The prophet PBUH used to take a bath with his wife from the same bucket. The companions once asked what does he do in the house if he’s not busy in prayer or matters concerning the Muslims. His wife responded that he does house chores and amend his clothes himself. So as a husband, volunteer to do the laundry sometimes, take your wife on a date and enjoy good times together. Also, the prophet used to recite the Qur’an with Aisha while reclining with his head on her lap. When was the last time you had a session with your wife?
3. Protect your wives and do not reveal their faults publicly: The noble messenger was so soft with his wives that he doesn’t allow third parties to interfere in their business. Once a scuffle arouse between him and Aisha. Abubakr her father whom was also the prophet’s best companion walked in. He wasn’t comfortable with how she was addressing the messenger of Allah PBUH, hence he wanted to get a hold of his daughter to reprimand her. The prophet prevented him and protected Aisha from the punishment of her father. He PBUH then told her: did you see how I saved you from him?
4. Teach your women about the deen: There are many women out there ignorant of the religion. Husbands go preaching and teaching others but forget their household. The messenger of Allah taught his wives about the religion of Allah. Aisha was the most knowledgeable Muslim woman in history. She’s as well the third most narrator of hadith. Besides those, she home schooled several companions. Juwayriyyah his wife reported that the prophet taught her a supplication which was worthier and outweighed all that she had been saying all day. Let’s create time to guide our wives too.

5. Always send a message before intimacy: Here I’m not talking text messaging, I mean romantic vibes that shocks the spine. It is in the sunnah to kiss and arouse your wife passionately before intercourse. In fact, Allah’s apostle PBUH specifically forbade men from approaching women the way animals do. Take it lightly with her and do not be too selfish, be calm and patient until she’s satisfied.While a man could get satisfied at half-time, it takes the woman extra-time. Hence, the prophet PBUH recommends foreplay as a catalyst to get you there.

6. Call her nicknames and play with her: Some brothers don’t even smile at home, albeit call their wives pet names. Do not be scary to your wives nor be harsh with them. The prophet used to call his wife “Aish” and sometimes race with her. Find cute nicknames for each other and challenge yourselves to mental and mind-blowing conquest. There’s nothing wrong in telling her you love her, even if she firmly knows you do.

7. Respect her parents, siblings and friends: Even though Abubakr and the prophet were affable buddies, Allah’s apostle PBUH still honored him. He was once asked who does he love most and he responded Aisha. Then the questioner asked among the men and he said, her father. The prophet often send gifts to the friends of Khadijah, his earlier wife even after her demise. He once slaughtered a sheep and sent some to Khadijah’s friends. When Aisha asked about Khadijah, he said: I was nourished by her love.

8. Make your wife a confidant and consultant: Some men look down upon women as inferior beings. They don’t seek advise from their wives on important life decisions. Why did the prophet run back to Khadijah for refuge when the revelation first came to him? It was because he confided in her. Did you remember the story of Umm Salam at Hudaybiyyah? How she admonished the prophet ﷺ to shave his hair and others followed suit. This is how intelligent women can think when you consult with them. They often times take their thoughts an extra mile further than men do.

9. Treat your women justly and fair: Indeed Allah’s Apostle PBUH loved Aisha among his wives, but he was never partial in being just and fair with the rest of them. A typical scenario is depicted here: once Aisha broke the dish of one of the wives’ out of jealousy. The prophet PBUH instructed her to replace the dish alongside a meal. He didn’t take sides with her based on the love he has for her. Remember the prophet PBUH stressed this in his farewell sermon: “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah…”

10. Be devoted and loyal to your wife: And this is the era of promiscuity, where spouses cheat openly and secretly. If you desire another wife, do it legally within the confines of Islam. Bear in mind women are not artifacts meant for decoration, they do have emotions — in fact, strong one. Plural marriage comes with a huge responsibility and commitment; so be ready for it. Allah’s Apostle PBUH was the best of example, he did show diligence with humility in dealing with his wives.

Remember, we (men) are shepherds and are all accountable to Allah over our women. We ask Allah to make our spouses coolness to our eyes and bless us with righteous offspring. May He forgive our shortcomings and admit us into jannah with His mercy. Ameen!

***This article was previously published on medium.

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