Love, Loss, and Gain: Lessons from the Beautiful Story of Umm Salamah
And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out from every difficulty. And He will provide him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.— Qur’an 65[At-Talaq]:2–3
The story of Abu Salamah and Umm Salamah, may Allah be pleased with both of them is so astonishing. It’s highly recommended that Muslim couples learn from them and emulate the lessons. The duo were love birds who always wanted to be together. They were among the earliest converts to accept the message of Islam. As we know, in the beginning, the Muslims were tortured and persecuted for testifying to One God and avoiding false deities. This ugly situation was what led some of the early Muslims to migrate to Abyssinia for safety. Among the first migrants were Abu Salamah and his wife — Umm Salamah.
After a while, the news reached them that the persecution has reduced. They also became aware that two strong men: Hamza and Umar had accepted Islam. This meant for sure that hope was near as the Qurayshi people never dared to look into the eyes of both men. Abu Salamah, Umm Salamah, and some of the Muslim migrants returned to Mecca. Unknowingly for them, the torture continued on the Muslims.
Unflinching Love
Abu Salamah and his wife often loved to spend time together. She was beautiful, intelligent, and good with words of poetry. One time, Umm Salamah and Abu Salamah were together in their house, Umm Salamah remembered that the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him said:
“Whoever is married on earth will be married in paradise.”
So she said to her husband: “Let’s make a pact not to remarry after death so we can be in paradise together.” Upon hearing this Abu Salamah, in his foresight, and love responded: “No! When I die, marry someone else.” He then made a supplication to Allah thus: “After I’m gone, bless her with someone who is better and will not make her sad or do her harm.”
Lessons 1 & 2: It’s always good to be intentional in everything we do. Marriage is an act of worship, therefore ensure you choose a righteous spouse who wants to be in Jannah with you. It’s a righteous spouse that will treat you well, give you your rights and strive to attain this lofty objective together with you. In addition, marriage is about selflessness. Imagine how selfless Abu Salamah was in his love to even make dua’ that Allah grants his wife, someone, better when he’s gone.
Unwavering Loss
Allah permitted that the Muslims should migrate from Mecca to Madinah owing to the continuous persecution by the Qurayshi people. Again this time, Abu Salamah decided to leave with his wife alongside their son. However, when the men of Banū Al Mughīrah — his wife’s clan saw him, they told him: ‘There is nothing we can do to prevent you from going wherever you want; but as for this sister of ours, we cannot leave you roaming about in the land with her.’ They then took her and Salamah away from him. When Banū ‘Abdul-Asad — Abū Salamah’s clan heard of that, they got angry and went for Salamah saying; ‘By Allah! We are not going to leave our son with her since they have snatched her away from our brother.’ Salamah, her son was then taken away from her as well.
This caused her a lot of anguish as she wept profusely on a daily basis until she began to get sick. She missed her husband, and her son as she equally longed to be with the rest of the Muslims. Amidst this turmoil, Umm Salamah remained patient and steadfast. She constantly pleads for reasons to let her go join her husband. After a while, she was finally allowed to leave with her son and they migrated to Madinah with the help of Uthman ibn Talha as a guide.
Their reunion was short-lived as Abu Salamah died from wounds sustained in a battle. Her loss began with their separation in Mecca and ended with his demise in Madinah. On his deathbed, the Prophet peace be upon him prayed over his body and closed his eyes, stating:
“When the soul is taken away, the sight follows it. Do not supplicate for yourselves anything but good, for angels say, ‘Amīn’ to what you say. He then said: Oh Allah, forgive Abū Salamah, raise his degree among those who are rightly guided, grant him a successor in his descendants. Forgive us and him, O Lord of the Universe, and make his grave spacious, and grant him light in it.”
The demise of Abu Salamah was indeed a great loss to his wife. It was during this period of grief that we learned this beautiful hadith cum supplication from Umm Salamah…
The Messenger of Allah said to those in pain: “If any Muslim suffers a calamity and says ‘We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it,’ Allah will give him reward for affliction and will give him something better than it in exchange.” — Muslim
Lessons 3 & 4:
Umm Salamah was patient and steadfast. She never gave up on her dreams to join her husband and didn’t lose hope in the mercy of Allah. Thus, Allah sent her help with a guide to escort her navigating through unfamiliar terrain. Umm Salamah struggled in desperation to return to her husband, yet they were separated once again by the destroyer of pleasure. While she kept on wondering, “Who could be better than Abū Salamah?” Allah gave her the best of mankind — Muhammad as a husband and elevated her status to become a mother of the believers.
Unexpected Gain
It was a common practice among the companions to honor their deceased brothers by taking care of their widows and orphaned children. Both Abubakr and Umar proposed marriage to Umm Salamah but she denied them. Then Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him came and proposed. This time she did not decline, but she was reluctant when she considered her age, that she had children, and her jealousy since the prophet had other wives. Allah’s Apostle was not concerned with any of these factors while reassuring her that her age was not an issue since he was older; that he would happily take care of her children; and that he would pray for her concerning her jealousy. Hence, she accepted his proposal even though she never thought of it in the wildest of her dreams.
History will not forget Umm Salamah during the treaty of Al-Hudaybiyyah. After the truce was agreed upon, many Muslims felt the Qurayshi people were favored. The believers were prevented from visiting the Kaʿbah and this caused them a lot of anger. Despite this, the Prophet peace be upon him commanded them to execute the ritual act of cutting their hair. However, they were reluctant owing to this frustration and feeling of injustice from the enemies. The lot fell on Umm Salamah to accompany her husband on this trip and she saw the anguish on the Prophet’s face when he returned to the tent. When he told her what had transpired, Umm Salamah as an intelligent woman advised him to cut his hair first. This turned out to be a wise counsel; the moment of discord passed and the companions eagerly complied with the order once they saw the Prophet peace be upon him cutting his hair.
Lessons 5 & 6:
The loss of a loved one could lead to a heedless situation. Abu Salamah’s death was indeed painful to her. Yet, Allah honored her ex-husband with martyrdom and elevated her status among the women of her time. She became a member of the Prophet’s household. With all her trials, Umm Salamah developed resilience and reliance upon Allah. In return, Allah consistently finds a way out of every difficulty she finds herself. As the window of Abu Salamah closed, the door of the Rasul widely opened and gave her everlasting joy until eternity.
In sum, the story of Umm Salamah is an exemplary one that calls us to patiently persevere through adversity. It teaches us reliance by holding firm unto Allah with prayers. We ask Allah to be pleased with the Messenger peace be upon him, his household, companions, and the generality of Muslims. Amin!
Yaumul Jum’ah 19th Safar 1444H//Friday September 16th, 2022.
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