Why You Need to Stop Lusting and Channel Your Energy Productively.
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is Aware of what they do. – Qur’an 24[An-Nur]:30
The more I grew older, I saw men from three different perspectives, especially in today's transforming world.
- Men of toxic masculinity: These are guys who hate and blame women for all the atrocities and wrongdoings in the world.
- The Mr. Nice Guys: They simp for women and end up being used, dumped, and useless.
- Pure Masculine Men: These are the sacred ones, the rare gems. They operate on a different level – not simpping, not hating but honoring women. They’re focused on their goals, purpose of existence, and life objectives. These men do not allow their lustful desires to distract them on their path to attaining success.
In all honesty, lust is a very strong desire in men. You can’t understand if you’re not a man. We are wired to get attracted by the things we see easily. However, we have to tame our lust which is like a beast ready to unleash itself if not controlled. There are very slim chances of you attaining success if you allow every inner thought of yours to overpower you and fulfill your lustful desires. This is an issue that most people don’t talk about – men have a lust problem – for real!
Lust is not just limited to sexual desires. It’s an overwhelming impulse for sexual, financial, or personal fulfilment by any means necessary even if those means are personally, professionally or spiritually detrimental. That’s how bad lustful thoughts could get.
This article focuses more on the sexual aspects of lust and how we can control it. The reality is that if we allow our lust to be uncontrolled, it can make men act like animals and eventually cause ruin to themselves. On the contrary, lust comes as a form of energy that could be transformed and utilized positively. Here are seven ways to control your lust:
- Be mindful of Allah: Know that you have a Lord Who is All-Seeing, All-Hearing, and All-Knowing. Hence, as vast as the earth of Allah is, there’s no space where you can hide without His knowledge. When you cast a lustful gaze unconsciously or have thoughtful desires, this doesn’t count against you. However, when you keep looking or act upon those thoughts, that’s when you’re sinning. Therefore, constantly seek refuge with Allah and repent back to him often.
- Lower your gaze: I often wonder at those women who dress shabbily in skimpy clothing publicly. What’s their motive? It appears like they’re seeking attention and love to be seen as attractive by men. Your strength as a man is to resist the temptation by lowering your gaze. And this isn’t about any low self-esteem or lack of confidence crap that they might want to sell to you. This is an act of modesty which is a praiseworthy deed highly recommended in our faith.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Faith has sixty to seventy branches, the best of which is to declare there is no God but Allah, the least of which is to remove something harmful from the road, and modesty is a branch of faith.”
An incident occurred during the hajjatul wadaa – farewell pilgrimage of the Prophet. A pretty young lady came to the Messenger to ask a question relating to performing hajj on behalf of her father. In the company of the prophet was his cousin, a younger companion in the person of Al-Fadl Ibn Abass. So the prophet saw him gazing at the young girl and he turned his head away. After he had fulfilled the need of the girl by answering her question, he then turned to Al-Fadl and addressed him thus:
Oh son of my brother! This is a day that whoever lowers his gaze and guards his private parts and tongue will be forgiven.
Look at the wisdom of the prophet and how he relates the connection between the eyes (lustful gaze), tongue (flirting), and genitals (fornication).
3. Channel your lust: Emotions are a form of energy therefore, you need to choose how to utilize them wisely. Most men don’t have control over their emotions and this makes them act like a child and slave to their desires. Lust is a natural emotion that could be transformed into a powerful energy if you know how to channel it. You’re not your feelings or thoughts because they come and go. This way, it means you’re in charge and have the power to control your thoughts. Allow your lustful desires to slide away and focus that energy on your goals. Whenever lustful desires come your way, redirect that energy to go and work on your life objectives.
4. Work with boundaries: People often wonder why Islam sets strict boundaries between the opposite gender. It’s because Islam provides a solution to the problem before it arises. Realize the limits and boundaries set within our faith and strive hard to honor them. Do not remain in seclusion with a lady whom you’re not her chaperone. And don’t extend hands and hugs to them either. One delicate area to pay attention to in recent times is the mobile device and social media. While there’s a lot of new knowledge to gain and even money to make online, some men waste time looking at women on IG and TikTok. This wastes your time and even kills your overall confidence in the long run.
Jabir bn Abdullah may Allah be pleased with him related, Allah’s Apostle peace be upon him said: whoever believes in Allah and the last day let him not be secluded with an unrelated woman without her guardian, lest satan be the third of them. – Ahmad
5. Make a list of values you stand for: A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything. So choose the type of man you want to be and focus your energy on taking little actionable steps towards achieving it. When you cast a lustful gaze on every woman, you lose respect for yourself. Some ladies crave attention and like to be teased but when you choose not to give them that attention, they wonder what kind of man is this, he’s different. So don’t follow the crowd but tell yourself:
- I don’t want short-term pleasure to destroy my potential
- I do not want to backslide on my spiritual growth
- I can’t resist the punishment of Allah
- Allah will reward me for my patience and resistance against my desires.
6. Identify your triggers: If sexual thoughts and urges are a means for coping with stress, then find healthy alternatives like physical exercise. For some, their trigger may be boredom. If that’s you, then get busy with some beneficial work. You may read a book or go practice to master a skill. You can also use visualization techniques to counter your trigger. Once you identify your trigger, then envision your dream life. Ask yourself: where do you want to be in life, is this the kind of man you want to become? And if your trigger is natural, then it’s about time to get married.
On the authority of Abdullah: we were with the prophet while we were young and had no wealth. So Allah’s Apostle said: O young men! Whoever among you has a means to marry should do so. This is because it helps you lower your gaze and guard your chastity. And whoever is not able to get married should fast, for fasting diminishes the desires.
7. Conquer your goals: Setting and crushing goals is a highly effective trait for pure masculinity. A lot of men have these two driving forces in their minds:
- The desire to acquire sufficient wealth and
- The ability to attract women of their desire
The former is more germane than the latter. Having sufficient knowledge and wealth may earn you a desired woman. However, chasing after women is not likely going to make you wealthy. A busy man conquering his objectives is focused. He knows that his goals are golden and no amount of lust will distract him from achieving them. So work on your goals and always keep your mind occupied with new goals to conquer.
In sum, these tips may sound as simple as enlisted but they require discipline, diligence, and above all the mercy of Allah. Make the effort to resist your lustful desires and see how you can harness this energy more productively. Wishing you Allah’s guidance and all the best.
PS: Success comes only by the will of Allah! If you find this piece beneficial, it’s by Allah’s Grace. It’s no scholarly work and we accept our mistakes. Suggestions are welcomed in making this effort better as well. You are free to share by any means for enlightenment purposes. Kindly give a “click-clap” to enable other readers on Medium to see this post. We ask Allah to keep us guided and steadfast upon the right path. Do subscribe to Jum’ah Nugget to get our subsequent publication in sha Allah!
Yaumul Jumah 9th Jumadal Akhir 1445H // Friday 22nd December 2023
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