Advice from a Generic Toothbrush
It feels like yesterday my owner, Jessie, peeled me out of a variety package of toothbrushes — six toothbrush variety pack for soft teeth to be exact. Now, my bristles are worn and I should’ve been thrown away two months ago. Don’t tell Jessie that though!
I come from a generic brand of toothbrushes — not Crest, Oral B, or even a CVS Pharmacy brand — but I’ve always made it work. I like to think that my lack of fancy gadgets makes me more appealing to the common man. I may not be electric or have that bumpy side on the back of most toothbrushes that scrubs your tongue, but hey, I clean your teeth. I thought that’s what we were supposed to do.
I apologize for sounding so bitter…
With the new quarantine orders in place, my owner hasn’t been brushing her teeth every day anymore, and honestly, I feel unused. I miss the days when she would brush her teeth once a day mostly out of guilt.
Being an older toothbrush gives me a wider perspective on life and bathroom dynamics in general. I used to see the toilet in its grandeur, used even more than other great bathroom appliances like the shower or sink, and couldn’t help but feel envious, but now that I’m an old brush, I’ve learned to appreciate what I do.
Do you want some advice human?
- Make Time to Clean Out the Gunk
It’s important to set out time in the morning and before you go to bed to clean the grime that gets stuck on your teeth during the day. Sometimes, the grime that you need to clean isn’t just on your teeth though, it’s on your psyche too. You can scrub this gunk away by writing in your journal, calling that friend or family member, or reflecting on what you’re grateful or proud of yourself for.
I personally like reflecting on what I’m proud of myself for (keeping Jessie’s teeth clean) mostly because I don’t have hands, friends, or family.
Dentists recommend that you brush your teeth for two minutes twice a day. It doesn’t seem like a lot of time, but it saves you from gum disease and the disappointed gaze of your dentist. Brush away the plaque of being human a little bit every day.
2. It’s Okay Not to be an Electronic Toothbrush
Maybe this one only applies to me specifically but you know what I’m getting at. I look like one of those hotel toothbrushes you’re forced to use because you left your fancy one at home. I’m not electronic and have overheard commercials on tv saying that electronic toothbrushes are “better at cleaning the hard to reach places”. Really, if I wanted to, I could tell myself that I’m not a good toothbrush at all, but at my core, where my plastic is, I know that’s not true.
I’m only a generic toothbrush but I have a lot to bring to the bathroom. I’m easy to transport when you’re traveling, don’t need to be charged, and am so affordable that at one point I was in the $5 or Less bin at Walmart.
Electronic toothbrushes and generic toothbrushes are both important even if sometimes it doesn’t seem that way. Do you notice the parallels that apply to your life human?
3. The Toilet Has Problems Too
Oh, the toilet. When I was younger, it was my biggest competition. Jessie would pick me up only to sit on the toilet to brush and flush at the same time. I just felt ignored, to be honest. It took a long time for me to finally realize that not even the toilet has the perfect life I thought it did.
The toilet may get used more than I do but at least I have fewer problems. The toilet is always getting clogged, needs to be repaired constantly, and you already know what it smells like. I don’t have a nose but its stench makes my bristles turn.
I’m sure the toilet thinks it's better off than me, but I can only be a toothbrush. And I like being a toothbrush. I think it's helpful to accept yourself as you are and only compare yourself when it's necessary for growth.
Do you hear that toilet? You’re not better than me!
This is the first interview I’ve done so I want to especially thank my owner, Jessie, and my interpreter who is working to lift up the voices of the inanimate objects that fill every junk drawer. She could be doing homework or building relationships with other humans, and yet, she’s here giving a big voice to the voiceless. Job well-done kid!
