I am the Daughter of Immigrants
My parents left everything back in Bangladesh to come here to America, just so they could give their children’s a better life. For that, I am blessed and thankful for every day but I know its hard for them. My parents are the traditional Bengalis; my mother is a housewife and my father worked from morning to night. Has you can see they are the basic family where the male works outside and female stays home to take care of the family. My mother got married at the age of sixteen and my father was already in his mid-twenties. My father got a glimpse of my mother and mother didn’t even see him until the wedding night. Picture waking up next to a complete stranger one day and now you are spending your whole life with them. I look at my parents and wonder how do they make it work so well. Like all parents, they have their arguments and fights but they always made sure that their children’s didn’t see it or hear it. As I was growing up I watched my mother and father build their home in a small two-bedroom apartment. And in my eyes they are the relationship goals for me.
They knew that they are immigrants and the are living in a world where their cultural values aren’t same. Balancing their lives along with our lives between the Western and Bengali culture. Their children’s don’t have to grow up in a small tin house or walk through the muddy streets of Bangladesh. But they left all those thing so we can have better life but in order to do that they knew they had to adjust to a whole new rules and concepts of life. They lived in fear of loosing their children’s to the wrong doing or wrong decisions. There was fear of harassments, fighting, arguments, name calling, and more because of the hates towards immigrates. This made them stronger to teach their children’s the traditional values and belief in Islam and Bengali cultural.
“Your parents know what’s best for you” My mom always told me since I was little. Both my father and mother made sure along the Western- Cultural didn’t take away our Bengali-Muslim Cultural. They wanted us to have both but have more of the traditional values that they grew up with up. Since I am the eldest of four children’s these things applied and stuck to me more. Every Saturday and Sunday morning until the afternoon we went to the Mosques to learn how to pray and read the Quran. We celebrated the Muslim holidays and our parents made sure we were to understand the values behind it. At home, they spoke to us in Bengali and later on in life we became their translators outside the world.
Outside I wear jeans and top but at home or at events I was taught to wear Bengali traditional outfits. Sometimes it was annoying but my father and mother made sure that along with Western clothes we had enough Bengali clothes in our closets. Being the eldest I had to grow up fast because I had to help my mother in the house. Since my father would be out from morning to night my mother had no one to look at but me. I would be the one helping her with groceries to house chores and watching my siblings.
I still remember I was eight when I first knew how to make fried eggs, I still have the burn marks. Whenever a guest came over to our house I knew what to do before my mother even said anything. Cut the fruits, get the tea ready and server the guest. As I got older my list of things got longer and more pressure on keeping up became harder. When I was little I didn’t understand why I had to learn and know all thing until I got older.
My parents wanted me to know all things so when they give me away they won’t look down at. They wanted them to know everything so her in-laws would ever complain about their daughter or the way they raised her. I am going to complete my B.A at the end of this year and they plan to get me married after I am done. I never really understood why girls have to leave their home and go live with strangers. But that’s the tradition for Bengali girls, your parents raise so one day they can give you away forever. One day I won’t be living in this house two-bedroom house anymore. I won’t be sharing one bed with my two sisters.
My family is waiting for the day they can give me away, having a daughter means you have to prepare yourself all this. My parents are waiting for the day I finish everything so they can finish their reasonability of having daughters. Always having to remember what will people say about me or my parents. As their daughter, I had to remember that I am a girl and have their reputation in my hands. I can break it or build it but whatever I do it will affect my father and mother. That is what I am doing till this day, following my parent’s beliefs and knowing what is best for me through them.
I started working when I was sixteen and every time I get paid I give my paycheck to my parents. I am twenty-four and I still give them my paycheck, I make sure one their birthdays they get what they want, mother’s and father’s day they get their gifts. All this for my parents and one day I have to leave them. I break me inside that I won’t see my father come to my room every night after work and every morning before leaving for work to get a glimpse of us. My mother won’t be there to tell me to eat or give me food after I come from work or class.
My parents know what’s best for me so I don’t argue with them when they say they want to pick a guy for me. One day my father will walk me down the aisle and watch his firstborn become a bride, leaving her home, parents, sibling and more. That day I’ll be sad but I’ll be happy knowing I’ll be in good hands because they chose my husband for me. And I’ll have to leave them one day. But no matter what at the end of everything I am the daughter of immigrants and I am proud.
