From Darkness to Light!

I was born in El Salvador, Sonsonate city to be exact. When I was two years old, my parents separated. A year later my mom started a new relationship, and with this relationship I had to move to a different state within El Salvador, Santa Ana city. At a young age, I began to see how gender worked in my homeland. Men were seen as the head of the household, the providers of everything and because of this, women had to surrender everything to them and let them take charge of their own lives. Men in my homeland are still today very machistas, they want to rule over women and they abuse the power that society gives to them. My mom wasn’t the exception, my stepdad used to abuse my mom verbally and physically. At the age of 8, I witnessed one of the most brutal attacks from him. He grabbed her by the hair, she had beautiful long black hair. He dragged her outside of our home. We used to share property with his parents, so they witnessed and they didn’t intervene. They stood quiet while he beat my mom. Many times I tried to advise my mom to leave him but at this point she already had two children with him. Now we were three, so the fear of raising us as a single mother made her stay with him.

It impacted my life very strongly to see all the abuse my mom experienced, I held so much anger and felt impotent because I was too little to defend her from the abuse. Domestic violence is consider a crime in my native country, but there’s nothing really happening to these aggressors. This is one of the reasons why often times women stay quiet about the abuse they experience at the hands of their romantic partners. It was so ironic because this man was a police officer, a person who was fighting crime but he was committing many behind the doors of his home. He was corrupt, so we couldn’t ask for help from the police even if we wanted to. They would trust his word more than our own. My mom finally separated from my stepdad when I was 11 years old. This man practically raised me, he wasn’t a good husband nor a father but at least he never abused me or my sisters the same way he did my mom. Witnessing his abuse marked me throughout my teen years. I became a very depressed girl in middle school and high school. I attempted to end my life many times because of the sad memories playing in my head over and over. I also feared to be in a serious relationship because I didn’t want a man to treat me the way my mom was treated.

It took a long time for me to forgive my stepdad, I had to do it. I felt it was the only way for me to let go of the fear and be able to trust a man again. Deep inside I felt that my biological father also failed me. He wasn’t there all those times I cried myself to sleep. My childhood was a nightmare, there were very few times that I was able to enjoy and feel carefree. Those days only happened when my stepdad was out at work. He would have to be away at times for 10–15 days, those days were the best ones ever. But when he returned, the nightmare started again. I’m now thankful that my mom finally opened her eyes and left him for good. She fought against the odds, she became a single mom that had to work very hard to be able to provide for us. She became my hero, her strength gave me strength to aim for an education so that one day I can be the one able to provide for her. Sometimes awful things happen in our lives, sometimes we receive an unexpected gift.

In my second year of college, I decided to go to church. Growing up, my mom used to tell me bible stories and how she felt God was always there for her even in her toughest moments. I remember how I used to asked God why he decided to bring me to a cruel world where happiness didn’t exist. Finally making the decision to believe and walk by faith has given me a new purpose. God was my helper, he came to rescue me from all the pain and healed me emotionally. I was able to forgive my stepdad at that time and my biological father. I wish them the best and pray that one day they would be able to realize the things they did wrong so they can feel peace within them. I now have a good relationship with my father after many years of absence from him. Today the future it’s so bright! I’ll be graduating soon and I’m very grateful that my mom’s courage and hard work is finally paying off.