No Más Miedo

As a Mexican immigrant I was always afraid of what people would think of me when they found out that I’m not like the rest. I feared the consequences that were bestowed upon me, my family, and our entire future. I liked living here and I couldn’t imagine moving to another place when we were so comfortable for years. But as time went on we were still lucky to keep our secret hidden from the world, and trust only those that my parents thought would be valuable to our survival. We still live in fear, yet now we have learned to accept it. I was filled with so many questions and doubts about myself. I was constantly thinking, where do I truly belong, and will there be any slight chance for change in this country? The turning point of my fear was when my parents told me to stop being afraid of my undocumented status. Can you believe it? My parents told me that it’s okay for people to know that I am an immigrant. What made them think this way? Aren’t they afraid of people knowing and sending us back to our country without a second thought? They told me that I’m going to be protected by the law, and this statement had me dumbfounded. My parents said there is a wonderful opportunity for immigrant children to get legal permission to stay in the U.S. I can finally work without having to worry about a social security number and pursue a higher education. Once I accept and start the process I will be less afraid because the authorities cannot “touch me.” My parent’s words did not console me because I was still chained up by my fear. What a weird feeling to be told to throw away your fear after two decades? It was such an absurd suggestion, and to put so much faith and hope in this opportunity was even more crazy. I knew that their glimmering hope was a fraud, and we’ll only go bankrupt.

But then, as soon as I signed those papers I felt a weight being lifted off of my shoulders. It was an amazing feeling because I felt those old chains of mine break free and clash onto the floor. I walked out of the lawyer’s office as a recipient of DACA. DACA, Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, became a gold mine for all immigrants in the United States. As a recipient of DACA we are allowed to stay in the country, we are eligible for a working permit in the U.S. and are able to pursue a higher education. As time went on, DACA taught me to love my immigration status. It took twenty years for change within myself. I let go of my fear and turned it into empowerment. I rejoiced in my immigration status and I started cheering myself on by saying “Si, se puede!” I’m not ashamed of my people or of my beautiful red, white and green flag with a graceful brown eagle sitting on a cactus, and eating a venomous snake. I’m no longer afraid of the immigration soldiers, Republicans, or Donald Trump. I still have a long way to go to prove to the world that this Mexican woman will not give up the place that is rightfully hers.