Find Your Inner Hero

They might not be the hero you want, but they are the hero you need.

Jordin James
Oct 27, 2020 · 3 min read
Photo by T.K. Hammonds

In the months after filing my divorce papers, I published something on Medium every single day for over 60 days.

Naturally, my stats were booming and I was making more money on Medium than ever before. But that wasn’t the most fruitful part of publishing every day.

Writing and publishing every single day was the main thing that got me through that time — the toughest time of my entire life. I had the mentality that I was going to write my way through. Writing was my lighthouse among the stormy seas.

But one day, I broke my writing streak. And I’ve yet to write consistently ever since.

That was over 9 months ago.

“I long to write and experience that flow with you,” says my inner Poet, “I also long to have that feeling of writing our way through a hard time again. That is one of my fondest memories I’ve had with you.

Back then, I felt important and like I was playing a big part in helping you and our whole system be better and get through it. I felt like a hero to everyone inside here. I want to be a hero again.”

My heart swells and I have to take a deep breath. Here I am, thinking my Poet kept pestering me to write again because it was another thing I should do. (I rebel against shoulds).

But now that I’m actually listening to the Poet part of me, it was about something much greater. My Poet, my Inner Writer, wanted to feel like a hero again. And it missed me.

“I miss you too, Poet. Let’s make this happen.”

“Wow, seriously?”

It breaks my heart when parts of me are shocked when I actually take them seriously and don’t brush them off. I am committed to doing better.

This time is different than that time though, way back in the early months after my divorce. I had more time then. I had literally nothing else to do but write.

Now I’m in the middle of two intense online courses and trying to build up my coaching business to boot. My calendar has never been this busy since back when I was a corporate engineer. How in the world and I’m going to find time to publish something every day again?

“Well that’s why this is the perfect time to start a writing habit again,” my Poet says, “With such limited time and energy to write, you have no choice but to let it be mediocre and short. What a perfect way to start a habit — letting yourself be bad at it at first.”

My Poet is too smart for their own good. I can’t argue with that logic. In fact, the more I listen to the wisdom of my Poet the more I get excited to write every day again. To let myself remember what it’s like to publish something mediocre and be totally proud of it still.

Writing is exactly what I need during this stressful time of expansion and learning and growing. Writing has always been the best container for my expansion. I am so grateful my Poet took a chance on me finally listening to it and taking it seriously enough to speak up instead of subverting my other priorities passive-aggressively.

So here I am — hanging out here with my Poet, writing mediocre articles and publishing them anyway. Here we are, together, writing our way through our own expansion.

Just me and my hero.

Not the hero I thought I wanted, but the hero I desperately needed.

Thank you, Poet, for reminding me how to start a habit and for insisting on holding space for our collective becoming.

  • What part of you is longing to be your hero right now but you keep brushing them off?
  • What might happen if you hear them out?
  • What other parts might have to step back? (For me, it is my judging, self-critical, and convinced-we-are-too-busy-and-there-is-never-enough-time parts.)

Let me know in the comments! Seriously — I love hearing from you!

Muah! Hasta mañana!

Jordin

Just Jordin

Stories by Jordin James

Jordin James

Written by

I’m a coach who helps survivors of narcissistic abuse transition from surviving to thriving. Let’s talk: calendly.com/jordin-james/chemistry [@justjordinjames]

Just Jordin

Stories by Jordin James

Jordin James

Written by

I’m a coach who helps survivors of narcissistic abuse transition from surviving to thriving. Let’s talk: calendly.com/jordin-james/chemistry [@justjordinjames]

Just Jordin

Stories by Jordin James

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