The uncomfortable reality of a young missionary.
My realization of my current dream and where it is taking me.
Today I got a call from a student loan agency and found out I still owe $3200.00 more. A wave of impending reality came over me as I realized that people actually have jobs, and I know that makes me sound like a complete stuck up brat, but seriously! I have this dream of traveling and doing missionary work, leaving all my worldly desires and worries behind to live for Jesus.
One aspect of missionary work that is essential but I hate, is raising funds. Oh how I hate asking people for money! I don’t think I would mind asking if I felt entitled and I wasn't so prideful. I always ask myself, “If God wants me to go there then why doesn't he just give me the money?” During my Discipleship Training School I was embarked on a 3 month mission trip and I finally started to grasp why it doesn't work that way.
My school was going to Chile, and 2 weeks before we left I needed $4700 to go. People kept on making comments like, “If God wants you to go then he will provide”, or “Just pray and ask for him to provide”. It drove me crazy, and instead of encouraging me it did the opposite. I was asking God to send the money over and over again, I was fasting, I cut my hair, I packed a week early, I did everything to show God I was willing to go if he was willing to send me. Now that I look back on that whole situation I can really see clearly and more understand God’s character.
The fact is this, God loves you and he just wants to be your Dad and you to be his son or daughter. As long as you are living for him and giving up yourself he is happy with you. I’m not saying “Don’t do anything with your life” and take what I just wrote and warp it to make excuses for why you aren't living a life outside of yourself and comfort.
What I am saying is this; People receive a calling on their life from God and treat it like if they aren't doing it the way they imagine they aren't following God and are missing their mark with The Father. You can have multiple options and callings given by God! Don’t let circumstance perceived by your eyes cloud your judgement and limit what is possible for God. I did that, I thought because I am here and God is not releasing those funds for me to go to Chile then that is not my Calling, I am doing something wrong and I need to fix myself. Then I started focusing on myself, my worth, if I was living up to the bar and it became apparent in no time at all that I was in the wrong place because I didn't deserve what God gave me. I’m going to say it one more time because this is the first step to being a missionary.
“I didn't deserve what God gave me.”
Being a missionary is not a duty that you earned by being good enough. It is a prestigious gift, to be able to step out of the world for a moment in time and just shine Jesus on people who need to see him. And while your at it let’s remove our entitlement all together and check ourselves, I need to do this daily. I don’t deserve to be a son of The Father, but still he loves me and gifts me with not only his Grace and presence but The Power of The Holy Spirit! I didn't achieve the right to be forgiven or to be his Son, it is through his grace that I am set free.
Step back and remember how blessed you are, but also how much God wants you to press into him and be his kid. When I think that I have a serious heart check and suddenly it doesn't matter if I am called to go to Chile or not. I am just focused on making Abba proud and doing anything it takes to bring glory to Him. As soon as that happens he takes my willingness to do anything for him and uses me as a specialized tool for his kingdom!
That is one of the reasons God makes you ask and search, he wants you to be receptive to him, and be humbled. So even though I hate asking for money I remember to be humble and stay in that position for God to provide through that for me. I am thankful for the ability to go on missions and to live as an international missionary in this season.
Now for my school loans and my next mission, I’ll be getting a job and doing anything possible to get in the right spot financially ahead of time, but still giving God reign and giving him room to work in my life.
OH! And for those wondering if I made it to Chile. Yes, God sent the money in a very miraculous way, and he used me in my own special way.
God Bless! Till next time.
Aaron.
