Love…the haunting kind.

True love is never lost.

I had two very strange dreams last night. One was about living in a share flat and the flat mate’s bedroom was Paranormal Activity kind of haunted, the second was about meeting up with a friend from the past and realizing I had always loved them.

I awoke feeling haunted by both.

But it was the latter dream that really caught my attention. You know when you have those dreams of being chased by someone and you can’t get away, but right as they are about to grab you you wake up, your heart rate is up, your body tingling with adrenalin? Well, I woke up still feeling in love. My heart felt swollen, full.

It was through this dream that I finally realized what being in love actually feels like.

Love feels easy, relaxed, smooth, chocolatey, sensual, melting, unrestricted, cosy, inviting, sure, one, calm. It’s like falling in slow motion backward onto a pile of feather pillows ready to catch you and you knowing you will be caught, you will land with a joyous smile.

It’s not overly excited, mentally anguished, mind clouding, second guessing, telephone checking, left wondering, controlled, attached, violent, demanded, judged.

Love floats. You don’t have to push, you can just sit and meditate in it and know that when it’s truly reciprocated it will be there, returned, turn up, take care, be.

I’m not talking about a relationship, I’m just talking about the impact of love, when it first mirrors itself.

That’s what I felt when I was around this person years ago, but it fell on me unwittingly. Yes, I fell in love, right into those feathery pillows and didn’t recognize it. I was caught up in the hype of life, the dramas, the should’ves and shouldn’ts.

But I do remember one moment when that person sent it out to me. I faulted for just a split second, furrowed my brow, questioned if that was what I really felt, then shook it off. I denied it. I let it get away.

The thing is I don’t mind, I’m not sad. I’m grateful that even though I didn’t realize it at the time, and have not known it these past 43 years, at least now I know I had it once, and if it ever nudged at me again I would recognize it and allow myself to float away with it.